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The mission of Church & Family Life is to proclaim the sufficiency of Scripture for both church and family life.
How a Husband Provides for His Wife
Jun. 21, 2017
00:00
-52:52
Transcription

Okay, hello, welcome to Husbands Love Your Wives. Great to be at it again here in this next chapter, chapter 17. And so, Derek, here we are. We're going to discuss one of the most unusual writers about marriage and headship. And hey, thanks for coming.

I really appreciate you joining us. It's a pleasure thank you for asking. So here in this chapter that we're engaging here tonight there are four areas of provision that husbands are charged to fulfill in their duties to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. But I think Guge in this chapter, he seems particularly to direct his applications from the whole idea that the husband is the savior of the body. And because he's the savior, he's a provider and he's a deliverer.

There's so many things that Gouge deals with. And I'm going to bring, you know, four major areas of provision that are in this chapter, and I'll just tell you what they are. First of all, he defines what it means to provide spiritually and that spans from pages 237 to 240. And then he defines what it means to provide physically from page 240 to 244. And then he even talks about how much you should provide in 244 to 251 and then he speaks about another area of provision and that's the way that you protect her in pages 251 to 256.

And he starts right at the top on page 237 about a husband that respects his wife, but he doesn't care for her. In other words, he does one thing, but not another. He feels something for her, but he's not doing much for her. That's kind of the idea. And he says, this guy lacks a wise head.

So what are your thoughts about that, Daron? You know, I mean, at one level, this is typical Puritan approach. You know, when I think of the Puritans about anything, they operate according to a certain faculty psychology. So they talk about the head and the heart and so on and how they relate to each other. And so this is typical.

This is a husband who has a lot of affection, a lot of outward show, but is unwise, isn't using his head. He does things that we might say today are a little crazy. And Gouge actually quotes the text that speaks about a man doesn't provide for his own, he's worse than an unbeliever. So he's pretty harsh. And he says if you're not providing for her in these various ways, you're not really demonstrating that she is yours.

Right. I mean, he talks about having taken your wife, you know, away from her parents and her siblings. And she has left father and mother and to her husband and son. And in that leaving and cleaving, I mean, you and I both know with daughters, you know, we've all had the interview. I mean, men of our age certainly have had the interview with the prospective son-in-law or maybe it's a step further back than that, the prospective suitor.

And when my son-in-law, when he first contacted me about my daughter, I sent him, I had this spoof questionnaire that he had to fill in that had questions like, you know, in ten words or less, you know, what does the word late mean to you? Do you own a truck? I mean, there were those sort of questions, but there were also some very serious questions in there. And he'd never met me before, and was, he now tells me, really nervous when he received this questionnaire of mine. But, you know, why did I do that?

Why does any father do that with his daughter or daughters? And that's because we want a husband for our daughter who's going to provide, who's going to treat her the way she deserves to be treated, who's going to treat her like royalty And I think that that in part is what the apostle talks about elsewhere when he reminds us that being in a marriage is in part one flesh, In part one flesh, we're to treat our own flesh as that which God has created and endowed with the image of God. In other words, like royalty, like kings, like queens. You know, I want to see a young man that he's caring for the church. I don't want, I'm not going to let a guy marry my daughter if he's not already caring for the church.

If he doesn't love the church with all of her spots and wrinkles, I'm not so sure how he's going to be able to love my daughter. You know, one of the things I look at, I saw a young man recently. He's obviously just started dating this girl at the church and we were watching her and him in the parking lot after church. And I said to my wife, watch this now. And he just jumped into his car, left her standing there, as if she was, well, as one of my colleagues would say, that she was just another cow and she could find her own stall.

You know those little things, they may seem to be southern culture, and possibly they are, but they are also indicative of how this young man is going to treat this young lady. And it often manifests itself in very practical ways, like opening a car door, and treating her with respect. It's an indication of what it means, I think, to provide for her. Amen. Gud is obviously talking here about working, and not just working, but it would be interesting to know in the 17th century what that would mean in terms of providing for her needs.

Not just, okay, so she gets bread and water, you know, and a dress once a year or something but what exactly does that mean? And that isn't a simple question to answer and folks, ungodly folks approach that differently. You know, in my marriage, I've been married for almost 38 years. I mean Rosemary was, my wife's Rosemary, and She's the only girl that I ever dated. She is a math major, as indeed am I, but that was so long ago in the past I've forgotten all about it now.

But I mean she handles all of my financial affairs. She does all the checks and bills and deposits. I know some men who find that difficult. They are the head of the household so they have to take ownership of the finances. We decided within probably a few months of marriage, she was way more frugal than I was, if we were going to survive seminary together And we got married and two weeks later we left Wales for Jackson, Mississippi.

And if we were going to survive that financially, I needed to put her in charge of the finances. And thus it's been ever since. And I've actually met several Christian families who have said that. Now I've also met the opposite. And the issue is, you know, Guj is talking to me about providing and what does that mean practically?

You know, Does that mean you give your wife some pocket money every week? He does talk a little bit about that, yeah. He starts right out there in 238 near the last fourth of it. He really starts with spiritual provision and the way that he spiritually edifies her. So, he begins with spiritual care and he talks about private and public means.

I like the way he breaks that down. He talks about privately given spiritual food for his life, he begins there. And then he moves to the more public, and on the private, he talks about catechizing her and reading the scriptures to her and providing food for her. He says every day in the same way that bodily food is given. And he says after all he's a king and a priest and a prophet.

Right, and I do think that that's a man's responsibility. We are living in an age, even in the church I think, where men are no longer men, and it's a product of our society, it's a product of our age, that men often don't want to assert their manhood, their manliness in a marriage, and the marriage is approached in a way that often the wife has to take charge of spiritual matters. I see lots of families like that. So one of my counsels to young folk who are getting married is to really lay it on the young man. He is to take charge of this in terms of spiritual devotions, Bible reading and prayer.

Devotions, Bible reading and prayer. Now in brass tacks reality, you know, when children come along the mother spends way more time with the children than your typical father dies. He just breezes home late in the day and gets to bathe them and put them to bed and he thinks he's done his bit. And I'm as guilty as anybody. But in ensuring the spiritual growth and maturity of the family, that's a father's husband's responsibility.

And he goes way beyond that. If you look in the first main paragraph in 239, he says, you shouldn't even build your home or make a home if you're not near a godly minister. He makes a big deal about making way for your wife to be near good preaching. That a husband that doesn't put his wife near good preaching is not providing for her. And I don't know how many men I've met, they live out in the middle of nowhere and they've not really cared for that as a primary matter to get their family in a place where the word of God is preached accurately and beautifully for this whole matter of spiritual food.

But I'll tell you, it's such a critical matter. It is, and it's interesting, how do you choose as a young person, and a young family, how do you choose your vocation? And generally speaking, we often say, well, this is my vocation, this is where they're sending me, and they're sending me to the boonies somewhere or somewhere where there's hardly a good church within 25 miles and I often want to say just as on vacation, I mean I can't tell how many people complain to me that they've been on vacation but couldn't find a good church. Well, why don't you look at a good church and then work your vacation around it? There you go.

And you wouldn't have this problem. It is interesting to me, you know, he's writing in the middle of the mid-17th century when yes, there certainly had been a revival of Puritan churches, gospel churches in England but there were large tracts too where finding a church that preached the gospel would have been difficult with very little by way of transportation To get there, right? I remember John G. Peyton telling the story that his father walked four hours each way to go to church for like 40 years or something like that. I love the language that he uses here.

He says, if men of wisdom, this is at the bottom of 239, if men of wisdom and ability purchase or build a house for their residence, they will be sure it shall be where sweet rivers and waters are, and good pasture ground, and where all necessary provision may be had for God's word preached. It is a spring of water of the water of life, the place where it is preached, a pleasant profitable pasture, all necessary provision for the soul may be there had. Let this be therefore the most of all sought after." And then he says this, "'And no residence settled, but where this may be had.'" Yeah, And I don't know if any of the guys listening here need to move. They need to go move to a church so that their wives can be fed and nourished with the sweet waters of the Word of God. You know, he talks about men, of course this would be the 1640s, men who find themselves often coming to London and other similar places by reason of their vocation enjoy the word themselves but neglect their families and he especially seems to have some words here for businessmen and lawyers who are neglecting their wives.

You know, the warning at the end of that paragraph section is considerable. It seems to be imagining a wife who might die, but die in a condition of spiritual impoverishment, and that this is something for which the husband is culpable here. God's watchman to his wife from Ezekiel 3. Yeah, that his blood, that her blood will be required at his hands, because he didn't take care of her spiritually. So he talks about spiritual exercises in the home and also in the gathered church.

There's just nothing more important for a family than to be in a church where the word of God is prominent and Christ is exalted and the true gospels preached. If you don't have that, it's an enormous problem. He's tying this to provision. So he talks about this whole matter of spiritual provision and then he turns at the bottom of page 240 and he speaks about providing for her physically and he goes and identifies a lot of different elements of this providing physically and of course he starts with her body, taking care of her body, paying attention to her health, he mentions food and clothing and necessities. He talks about sickness at the top of page 241, you know, to provide things he says that are needed to either restore her health or to comfort, to cherish and refresh her in her sickness.

He starts out just with her physical frame and how it's working. Fascinating that we would not expect an admonition here that a husband wouldn't provide his wife with basic food and clothing. Right. Right. And medicine, whatever rudimentary medicine would have been available in the 17th century.

I do find it Very enlightening that in the 17th century you have a Puritan saying you need to take care of your wife during childbirth. Right. Childbearing. Mm-hmm. Because she has these weird cravings.

Right. Ice cream or chocolate bars or whatever, peanuts or peanut burgers, whatever it is, you know, whatever women craved in the 1640s. And this statement about such things as may satisfy their cravings in case they do crave some food as in all ages women in the time of breeding and bearing children have been subject to. And that this is something that you are to do as a husband. So getting in the car two in the morning and looking for a CVS or the like and heading to the deep freeze for some good ice cream.

Because your wife is walking you up in the middle of the night saying she wants some ice cream. Isn't that funny? Yes. It must have been pickles back in those days. I don't know how much ice cream they had floating around.

Then he talks about taking care of her during her time of labor and childbirth, that it's a time of weakness. There's enormous pain that she's enduring. But he gives really specific advice about what to do in the time before she has her baby. And he talks about where she is, how comfortable she is. Does she have her friends or family around her?

Don't deprive her of these things, you know, Don't take her away from her friends. Don't have her in a place that is not comfortable for her. He just seems to cover every base here. Interestingly, we took this part out of the book, he talks a lot about nursing, nursing mothers. We took that one out, but this part we left in about the whole matter of childbearing.

Yeah, I mean, I forget the original now, the domestic duties, and I mean, did he advocate that men should be present at the time of birth? Or is this him saying, you know, when you're on one side of the door, on the other, screaming and giving birth to the baby, you're to shout encouraging words? Do you remember? No. He doesn't seem to indicate that a husband is separated from the actual birth.

There's nothing that I can recall that indicates that. What he does, though, say is that you're there attending to all of her needs during the whole process, you know, before, during and after. I suspect he was nearby, you know, he's providing all these things for her. A midwife, if she wants it, a nurse. He talks about convenient lodging.

He says, some will say, cannot my wife be put in a bed in a room without a chimney as well as the Virgin Mary. I mean, I think he's quoting people there from the 17th century. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. He says, you know, that a husband shouldn't carry her from all her friends into a place where she is not known lest her friends should beg him to spend and lay out more upon his wife than he's willing." And then he talks about diet and all that kind of stuff.

It's really interesting. At the top of page 244, he talks about how a husband can be a cheapskate, you know, in the midst of all this, you know, that he loves his wealth better than his wife, and so he's not willing to take the measures that are necessary to really make her comfortable. You know, and I guess he's referring to men who really only knew their wives at times of intimacy, but then in later stages of pregnancy, kind of abandoned them. Yeah. Kind of abandoned them.

Yeah. Wasn't terribly interested in them at all and and perhaps not perhaps for you know perhaps for our context perhaps not willing to demonstrate those those feminine and maternal instincts right right that the men need to come around to at the time of childbirth he also he also talks a lot about the danger in childbirth and her weakness. She can't provide for herself. There's so much pain. But it's interesting, in 1622, the maternal death rate in England was one out of a hundred.

Today, it's one out of 10, 000 in America. So, women died far, far more frequently. And so he spends a lot of time talking about the whole matter of weakness and the danger that she's entering into. How do you do that in 2014? You know, it's even difficult for us to use the term, the biblical expression, the weaker vessel without appearing to be patronizing or misogynist you know our culture our culture so militates against a view of male and female roles, the whole egalitarian movement and so on, that it becomes more and more difficult, particularly in preaching in a context even within the church, I mean a church that believes the Bible and adheres to biblical teaching of manhood and womanhood, it becomes difficult, I think.

What does it mean to treat her honorably but also being mindful that she is the weaker vessel in what sense? Not physically. I mean, his description of her, the strength of a woman in childbearing, you know, the weaker vessel may well be the husband here. She can tolerate things that the husband cannot. And I think in part addressing those unbiblical attitudes toward maleness and femaleness or towards what it means to be a husband, a provider, and a wife and a mother.

He's brought up this matter of the weaker vessel in every chapter we've discussed so far. He speaks of her vulnerability to her emotions, that she tends to run hotter, she gets angrier. He speaks of this issue of the weaker vessel as the husband's opportunity to rise above the moment, to be a blessing to her when she's weak. And so, I mean, this is a really consistent theme that we've seen in Guge. Now he's speaking of it in terms of the time of birth, that she's very vulnerable during that time.

And what, you know, as Christ loves the church, you know, of course He is the stronger and He helps the weaker. That's the way that He approaches the weaker vessel every time. He says, this is how you love her when she's weak. And now he's doing the same thing in the physical matters. So then he talks about how much to provide for her in pages 244 to 251.

And he says that a husband should provide for his wife according to his estate and his ability, that he provides for her consistent with his means that are there. But then he talks about, particularly at the bottom of page 244, that he ought to allow her to buy the things that are to her liking. This is also a very consistent theme with Gouge. He really calls husbands to encourage their wives in the things that they like. And he does it again here, that he should provide money for her, not just for the things that she needs, but the things that she actually likes.

Now, he is... I mean, he uses some strong language here. He talks about a husband being stingy. It talks about those who marry their maids. And marry them, I seem to read between the lines that maybe the reason they married them was in order to lord it over them in the marriage and that they dress shabbily and they eat poorly and they're kept under kind of servile dominion in the home.

He reveals his 17th century-ness when he talks about marrying those of lower rank than themselves. But we're not averse to that either when somebody who has, say, a lot of money and comes into a marriage with a lot of money marries somebody who has nothing. You know, those are some issues that you have to deal with. How is this going to work? How long until this marriage before one or other says, well, this is my money.

When you marry, it's no longer your money, or is it? Today, of course, we have lawyers involved in prenuptial agreements that ensure that because, sadly, we know of marriages where folks have married in order to divorce and get the money. But I would love to know when Gush took his wife and all of his children out shopping. What kind of stores did he take his wife to? And I just get the impression that he was, he couldn't possibly have written this and be a hypocrite.

Right. That he was a very generous person. Yeah. Yeah, He's arguing for generosity all the way through this. And he talks about the things that she wants.

At the bottom of 245, giving her money so that she can give to others, so that she can give to the needy. She stretches out her hand to the poor, you know, like the Proverbs 31 woman. He talks about giving her allowance, you know, a portion of rent from lands, giving her ownership or inheritance. But he really is arguing for generosity toward his wife to be a blessing to her. I was, as it happens, speaking on Proverbs 31 this morning to the women in our church.

That portrait that closes the book of Proverbs and the portrait of a godly woman as a wife and as a neighbor and as someone who is industrious and as a homemaker and a teacher so I was reading this I was mentioning this verse she gives meat to her household and a portion to her maidens, and all her household is clothed with scarlet because she is so good in money management and industrious that her household had taken care of. And then her children arise up and call her blessed. But it was verse 20, right at the bottom of the page, she stretches out her hand to the poor, she reaches forth her hands to the needy, and I do think that you often see that, that women are often more generous than men. And That instinctive act of generosity is in fact something Christ-like and Godly and a mark of grace that she should be allowed to demonstrate. Yeah, and Gooch quotes Proverbs 31 on the next page on 246, that his heart safely trusts in her and her husband praises her.

So that's the whole mentality that his generosity arises out of. But there's something that he says in the middle of page 247. It's the last sentence in the second paragraph and he says this, the truest test of a merciful and charitable heart lies in the distribution of what is one's own property. And he's just saying this is a test of love. Do you deal with her generously in terms of money?

Yeah, it would have been interesting to watch him and how he dealt with his own wife and how he spent his money on her. It sounds like he's spending money on her and giving her money and making means for her. And then in the next paragraph below what I just read, that he says, let his wife have some savings in a portion of her own, free to dispose of as she sees good, telling her that the most important reason why he provides so plentifully for her is that she may show forth the fruits of her faith by some works of charity and exhorting her to do so. Many religious, wise, kind husbands thus do, giving quarterly allowance and money to their wives. He outlines different ways that husbands can allow that to happen.

This is a husband who really is blessing his wife. Actually what is also true is that in dealing with the wives in this way, their wives make them look better than he may actually be. And that the only reason why this husband is in the shape that he is in is because of the godly influence of the wife. So it's in his interest to encourage her godliness because it makes him look better. Yeah.

And You know, he says something really shocking here. He contends that if a wife is not able to demonstrate mercy because her husband doesn't provide sufficient amount for him, he says, the husband shall hear that dreadful doom, depart from me, ye cursed into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels, for I was hungry and you gave me no meat. And he's saying that if the husband is a skin-fluent with his wife, he's forcing her into this condition and it's his fault and he'll be condemned for it. What do you think about that? Is that going a little too far?

No. I think that many of the problems in marriages, not exclusively but many of the problems in marriages begin over money and the use of money in the wrong use of money and the ungenerous use of money and when money becomes mine rather than ours and he's even taking it a step further that the husband should think of it in terms of, well, this is yours. Right. And that he does seem here to want to go, not just give a wife what he thinks she deserves, but generous. Right.

Generous is more than you deserve. Yeah. It's a demonstration of grace in the use of one's money. Actually, very few things demonstrate the extent of our godliness than the way we use our money and the generosity with which we use it. Right.

And he takes it to another level here on the top of 249 where he speaks about a husband's care for his wife as long as she lives. So he talks about the duration of the provision that he would care for, you know, beyond his own lifetime. He says even though she outlives him, not that he can actually, when he is dead, provide for her, but that he may before his death so provide for her as she may have the means to support herself to live according to that position where he advanced her. And so he's arguing for, you know, leaving some aside for her provision, you know, after he's dead. And what was really fascinating to me is the proof of it that he gives at the bottom of that paragraph.

He says that the Lord left his spirit, which provided it with gifts as plentifully as if Christ had still remained with her, if not more abundantly. The Lord Jesus says, I'm going to send you another helper, another helper like me. He's taking that principle of the Lord Jesus Christ to send help by the Holy Spirit and to never leave her, never forsake, and he extends that to this matter of leaving something for her when he dies. Right. Estate planning for one-on-one.

Right, yeah. You know, And in all likelihood, in our age, perhaps more than in his age, the likelihood is that she will outlive you. That wasn't necessarily the case in the 17th century with death, childbirth, and stone. But it's even more prudent now. Yeah.

And He talks about different ways that you do this. He first of all talks about leaving the money, but then he says, make sure you communicate with her. That's in the middle of 249. He says that plainly and explicitly they declare their mind and will before they die. And then he even speaks of appointing a friend or someone close by at the bottom of 249, that he requests some faithful friend in his place to be a helper to her as Christ commended his mother to his disciple John.

So he's outlining all these different ways that a husband takes care of this. But then, On page 250, he talks about how a husband neglects to do this. And he talks about lack of planning. If you see this in page 250 in the first or second big paragraph there, some through lack of planning or extravagant spending make themselves unable to do good to their wives after their death and so leave their wives with nothing or maybe leave them in debt. So he talks about the way that you live extravagantly to actually steal from your wife in her old age?

It is interesting to me that in the 17th century, it was likely that a husband who lost his wife would remarry very quickly and often remarry somebody much younger, it would have been more difficult for a widow to do the same. And I think that cultural sensitivity to providing for the wife is probably the reason for the strong language here. You know, I read somewhere that husbands resented the law that was in place in 1622 that provided for a wife of one-third of the estate and two-thirds to the heirs. And Gouge is saying a husband ought to leave at least a third of his estate to his wife. So He's detailing all these different ways that a husband can compromise her future.

He speaks of some pretty wicked things there on page 251. But then he moves to the matter of protection. We're moving from the matter of taking care of her after he dies, to the way that he protects her near the bottom of 251. So, he speaks of spreading his wings over her and quoting Ruth 3-9 to take her under your wing. And again, we're back to this whole matter that he's really expositing.

He is the savior of the body. So let's talk about this thing about protecting your from demons. It's a beautiful phrase in Ruth, spreading his wings, the whole Boaz and Ruth story. As almost, I mean, spreading his wings is a metaphor in Ruth that is borrowed from a metaphor that is earlier used by Moses of God himself, God spreads his wings, we take shelter underneath his wings. So this act of loving and providing and caring for your wife is actually a God-like thing.

It's part of Imago Dei, the image of God manifesting itself in marriage. You know, when he talks about protecting her like that, like a savior, in the second paragraph there on page 252, he brings up the matter of the weaker vessel again and he says his sex is a sex of greater strength and courage and boldness than hers and he ought to protect her who is the weaker vessel in this duty of protection. Christ shows himself an excellent pattern and example for husbands. And then he talks about the different ways that he protects her. He talks about his physical strength first.

In Christianity, men protect women. In Christianity, you don't send women to the battlefield. Men go to the battlefield. And so he begins with this matter of strength. And then he talks about protecting her from these four things, seductions, that you see them listed there near the bottom of 252.

And then if she's protecting her from being drawn away, protecting her from being unjustly slandered at the top of 253, and then protecting her from trouble, and he mentions a number of different kinds of trouble she can be in. Like when her children grow older and they don't respect her, it might be a stepmother that's bothering her. There may be people in her life that are not protecting her honor and he's saying a husband has got to protect his wife in all these different categories of protection. Yes, I mean, a whole range of areas here where the wife seems to be the victim of verbal the victim of verbal abuse or undue pressure, particularly I think within estranged children or often in a second marriage and the whole complication of siblings and stepchildren and so on. And clearly here, I think A warning about often, one of the biggest problems in marriage very often is that the parents will side with the children against spouse.

Often, That's a recipe that ends badly, siding always, and sometimes cultivating in the children a lack of respect for their mother or sometimes the opposite, for their father. But that your primary relationship is with your spouse. I remember my mother telling me on the steps Alfred placed Baptist Church in Aberystwyth the day we were married that, I've been married less than 15 minutes and my mother said to me, don't neglect your wife. She said to me, because when your children are gone, that's all you've got left. And I thought, well, this is rather odd.

I've just been married 15 minutes. I don't have any children. And this is 38 years later, I still remember her telling me this. Very good advice, actually. You know, he talks about step-mothers who are unkind and unjust mothers dealing unmercifully.

This is in the last quarter of page 253. But he handles this in a very interesting way. On the one hand he says, go protect your wife, go protect your honor. On the other hand, he says, but if she is the wrongdoer, he may by no means support her against his children and so make their wrong the greater. Yet so far he ought to respect his wife as by all the fair means he can to labor to pacify her mind and turn her heart towards them.

So he really strikes this beautiful balance of, on the one hand, protecting her, but on the other hand, if she's sinning, to help her move a distance toward love, to try to bring the parties together. And he makes a husband quite a negotiator in that sense, to first of all honor his wife, but at the same time help her move toward reconciliation. I thought that was beautiful, the way he communicated that at the bottom of 250. Right, and putting in the husband's realm of responsibility the duty of being a reconciler, doing one's level best to reconcile a mother and children rather than take sides and separate. Yeah, and yet he acknowledges what can be a real extreme difficulty.

And I mean, Derek, we're both pastors. We've seen difficulties. And He deals with some of the most difficult matters here. He says this, he should try to turn her heart toward them and if he observes her heart to be completely alienated from them, then to send them out to be brought up in some other place, so to take away from her the object of her displeasure that she that he and she may live more quietly together. In other words, if the children are so dishonorable, just like you said earlier, the priority is the husband and the wife.

And then he says, for if a man must forsake father and mother, he must also forsake children and cleave to his wife." And then over on the next page, he says, continuing the idea, he says, you know, between a husband and wife, the relationship must be kept sacred. So he acknowledges the pain but yet still drives a husband and wife together regardless of the other relationships. I thought it was interesting the way he described that. What do you think about that? Well, I think that it's interesting and encouraging in some ways.

You know, not every marriage is perfect. Not every family is perfect. Right. You and I have looked down at families in the church, seemingly are perfect, but very often families have rebellious children, prodigal children, difficult teenage children, children and it is all too easy to jump to the conclusion, you know, my children are always right and in so doing cause some irreparable damage to the relationship with your spouse And I find, you know, why is he saying that? Only because he's obviously seen that and experienced that either in his own family or in family.

Right. So that's the thing too. I think that's what I liked about the whole book really, and particularly this chapter that you asked me to talk about was that it wasn't a fantasy that he's talking about, but one with problems and difficulties and obviously stresses and strains that potentially could drive the husband and wife apart. Right. Now, he's talking here about children and teenage children, so he's not talking about, you know, it's easy to care for and be tender towards your two-year-old wife.

I was talking here about somebody who was born with 13 children. And she may not look what she looked like when he married her. And to treasure that beauty that is of a different kind, the beauty of a mother, the beauty of godliness, the beauty of someone whom you have even greater affection for now than the day that you married her. Amen. You know, he winds up this chapter beginning really on page 254 in the middle about how her husband neglects to maintain her And he talks about protecting her from people, and even actually asking her not to be with people that might harm her.

And then secondly, the matter of wandering, protecting her from bad reports, protecting her by not ignoring her complaints. That's in the middle of page 255, that fourth point. And then allowing underlings to dishonor her. And he ends up with this whole matter of a husband coming to a wife's aid when her children particularly are dishonoring her. He says when a husband does that, it makes them proud, as he says in the middle of the paragraph of 256, makes them grow proud and presumptuous against him by despising the weaker, men grow by little and little to despise the stronger.

In other words, if you allow your wife to be dishonored, those children will grow in their despising of those who are above them, you know, in rank in terms of, you know, children. And then he ends it up with this, It proves therefore both lack of affection and of discretion and understanding in husbands to allow a child, servant or any other in the household to insult their wives who are joint governors with them over the house." And so he's saying if you're allowing your children to dishonor your wife, then you're not expressing affection for her. And I thought it was interesting, he ended up this whole chapter about provision with really providing honor for her by defending her and keeping those who should submit to her at bay. Interesting What I had underlined was the emphasis on affection at the end of all this. That affection is something that you have to work at.

It's not just a feeling. It is something that you have to nurture and work at and cause to grow and mature. That deep-seated language of love really that he has here for his wife. Right, right. You know, this is so helpful in the day and age we live in, where people are really rejecting the whole doctrine of male headship in the home and in the church.

And people don't realize there really are just three alternatives. You've got feminism, you've got egalitarianism, or you have male headship. You can call it patriarchy or you can call it complementarianism, whatever you want to call it. But the Bible does speak very clearly about male headship, and this kind of headship is the head who's the savior of the body. He's one who's nourishing and cherishing, he's taking care of, he's providing for...

That's the kind of headship we're talking about and it's a headship that provides spiritually, even to the degree of making sure where you live is where there's preaching, you know, to provide physically for her body, for any her sickness, her pregnancy, providing money for her, being generous, you know, and gracious with your money, and then protecting her honor. That's the kind of patriarchy we're talking about. And it's the kind of patriarchy the world needs. Yes. It's very refreshing.

It's remarkably appropriate, I think, in our time and more so than it perhaps was in the time he wrote this. Amen. Yeah. Amen. Well, Derek, hey, thanks.

We've run our time, but I really appreciate the discussion. What a fascinating chapter, and it was just great to dialogue it with you. Good to talk to you. Okay, thanks. Hey, we'll see you later.

God bless you. Blessings. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

In this video, Scott Brown and Derek Thomas discuss another chapter from William Gouge's book, Building a Godly Home. This chapter discusses another duty of a husband -- to provide for his family. Gouge outlines several areas of provision - spiritual provision, physical provision, and provision for a wife by protecting her.

Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) - "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her."

Speaker

Dr. Derek W.H. Thomas, a native of Wales, is the Senior Minister at First Presbyterian Church (ARP) in Columbia, South Carolina.  He is also the Professor of Systematic and Historical Theology at Reformed Theological Seminary (Atlanta), and the Editorial Director for the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals.  He previously served as the Chairman of the Theology Department at Reformed Theological Seminary (Jackson) and the Minister of Teaching at First Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Jackson, Mississippi.  He holds a Bachelor of Science in Mathematics from the University of Wales, a Masters of Divinity from Reformed Theological Seminary (Jackson), and a PhD from the University of Wales (Lampeter) in Calvin and the Book of Job.  He was ordained in the Evangelical Church of Ireland, and served Stranmillis Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Belfast for 17 years before moving to the United States.  He has published more than twenty books and contributed to many others.

He and his wife, Rosemary, have two grown children and two grandchildren, a dog named Luther, and a somewhat dysfunctional cat named Chloe.  He is passionate about classical music, opera, blue cheese and snobby coffee.

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