Well, this passage of scripture helps us to understand the greatest problem that we have after we are saved, and that is that our eyes are open to the ways that the world has worked its way in our thinking and in our living. And then God so patiently and kindly takes us one day at a time to sanctify us. He puts us on a journey to reject the ways of the world and to embrace the ways of heaven. And again, this is the kindness of God toward us, that He would remove the poison, that He would pry off the claws of the dragon from our souls, and then He would finally receive us into His presence for all of eternity. What a blessing it is to have been saved by the grace of Jesus Christ and to know that our salvation is not dependent upon any of our works but that it is an act of a sovereign God who has saved us by his sovereign grace through the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ.

And you know, when we engage the subject of marriage, we have to recognize that as with all of the ways of man, the claws of the dragon are there in marriage. If the devil would destroy a marriage, if the devil could cut off godly seed, it would mean tremendous, it would mean that something enormously powerful, enormously powerful in terms of exponential favor of God or the rejection of God is on the table there. If God would, I mean, if the devil and his hatred toward us would lead us into bad marriages, if he would cause us to hate the spouses that he's given to us, then there is tremendous cataclysm that comes from that. Who knows the true impact of a marriage that is being dissolved because of some hatred, because of some rejection of the law of God. And so we're on the subject of marriage and then how to think about bringing our children together in marriage.

Marriage in all of its language looms large in God's plan of redemption. He makes marriage a picture of his own love for the church. He makes husbands and wives, theologians and teachers of the next generation. What happens in homes is so strategic. When Christ said, I will build my church, I think he meant a lot of things that he would do to build his church.

He's guaranteeing in that statement that the church will always survive, that the perpetuity of the church will be a spectacle for all the world to see. You cannot stamp out the Gospel. But how would God do it? He would send elders, He would send deacons, He would pour out His Spirit on all mankind, He would help his people to know his will. He would send his word that will never pass away, that never returns void.

God builds his church in so many ways. And one way he builds his church is through a marriage. As two people come together for kingdom purposes, they come and they make their home a little piece of heaven. And they, there in their home, their love spills over into these children whom God gives them. And they, these little children in their wiggly, giggly period of life are there nurtured and carried and cared for in their homes which were established by marriage.

So when Christ said, I will build my church, I believe he was also talking about marriage. That he would build his church through the marriages that he would divinely establish as He would cause one heart to have affection to another. And they would be drawn together. And they would enter into a lifetime covenant that no man could bring us under. So it matters greatly how we not only conduct ourselves in our marriages, but also how we bring our children to the time of marriage.

I would suggest that marriage is second to one's salvation and significance in all of what they do in life. So I think that we're really in a, we're in a very sacred topic here. And I want to bring us to a real life example to help us begin to think about the subject and then we'll work our way through a number of principles. This is a two part series. This is the first.

We'll do this. We'll take a short break, come back and we'll engage in more detail. This section, a real live example and some principles, the second section deals with problems, the gnarly problems that emerge when we bring our children to the point of marriage. So this real life example is the example of Abraham, Isaac, and Rebecca. I'd like you to turn in your Bibles to Genesis chapter 24.

This is one of the dearest passages in Scripture because it has so many compelling and beautiful elements to it. It's a fun story. It is dramatic. It throws in your face things you never would have thought on your own. It brings together so many different elements of life in a home, the pressures, the difficulties, the fears, the responsibilities, that all get wrapped into what has to be considered when we consider marriage.

And let me just give you sort of a taste of what's here before we move through the text. First of all, a wife was chosen using a set of principles. I think that's really significant about this story here. I don't believe that we can take every single element of the story here and go duplicate it, but we can look at it and find what are the very best parts of it, what really seemed to be consistent with the rest of Scripture. But a wife was chosen using a set of principles.

We'll get more on that later. The marriage was carefully entered into. There was a process. There were requirements. There were a number of things that had to be considered, including the selection of a servant who would assist in the bringing of a couple together.

And then we need to see that it was a strategic marriage. There were many issues, many requirements that had to be fulfilled in this marriage. And of course all these things I believe should instruct us as well we should use a set of principles we should enter into marriage carefully and we should think strategically for Kingdom purposes in in all of what we do Well let me read here the first few verses of Genesis chapter 24 verse 2. So Abraham said to the oldest servant of his house who ruled over all that he had please put your hand under my thigh and I will make you swear by the Lord the God of heaven and the God of the earth that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I dwell But you shall go to my country and to my family, and take a wife for my son Isaac. And the servant said to him, Perhaps the woman will not be willing to come and follow me to this land.

Must I take your son back to the land from which you came? But Abraham said to him, beware that you do not take my son back there. The Lord God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my family, and who spoke to me and swore to me, saying, To your descendants I give this land, he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there. And if the woman is not willing to follow you, then you will be released from this oath, only do not take my son back there. So the servant put his hand under his thigh, under the thigh of Abraham his master, and swore to him concerning his master." Well, The first thing we notice is that there is an oath.

As he's commissioned here in these first 10 verses, there is an oath that is made. Put your hand under my thigh. We notice the solemnity of the oath, that he swears by the God of heaven, that this marriage commitment is cast in the atmosphere of a solemn oath. And the oath was that this servant would not take a wife for Isaac from the daughters of Canaan. And again we see the extreme language that's here, how important it is that we do not bring our children together with the daughters of the sons of the Canaanites.

That believers do not provide, do not engage in unequal yokes and we do not mix with the Canaanites. We don't get so desperate that we mix with the Canaanites. By the God of Heaven was this oath, that the Lord would give us the bread of the Lord. Given and not from the Canaanites. And we also notice the character of the servant.

Abraham sends his most trusted servant, his oldest servant, indicating the seriousness of the matter. Notice the seriousness of this matter contrasts it with the way that we often just send our children out into oblivion to be matched randomly to whoever might show up at the time. This is a completely different kind of thinking. Abraham was not saying, here, here, go and just whatever may happen, let it happen. There was solemnity and there was also the selection of a servant who was wise and had principles in his mind.

The randomness was managed through the solemnity. Notice the carefulness of the process as well and the criteria was theological and the criteria had to do with the commands of God specifically to Abraham. So he was in this marriage union there was a sense of fulfilling the commands of God and we must do that in our marriages we don't just come together because we see a pretty face because our hormones are raging We do it because we are engaging in the fulfillment of the commands of God. And this should be the beginning and the end of all that we do, that we have theology in our minds that would guide us in this process. Notice that the marriage was a matter of obedience.

First, Isaac, his son, must have a wife. This was just something that was assumed by Abraham before God that this had to happen. Second, the wife may not be taken from the Canaanites. Thirdly, Isaac may not return to the land where Abraham left. The commands of God for his people required that Isaac stay in the land.

And it would be wrong for him to go and marry and go live in another land. That was a particular issue that was, that Abraham was mindful of. And then Abraham could not even contemplate seeing Isaac leave the land of promise. It was just completely incomprehensible to him because there was a covenant that was being established with the people and their descendants in that land. Notice the confidence in God that both Abraham and his servant display.

They know that God is sovereign. They know that God will help them. So then we find the arrival of Abraham's servant in verses 11 through 14 and Abraham's servant prays upon arrival. It was a prayer for success. Dependence upon God was running through it all.

And so let's just pull some lessons here from this part of the narrative. Just lessons for how to identify a spouse. First of all, pray. Proverbs 3, 6 says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. Well, this is what the servant was doing.

He prayed. That was the first thing that he did when he arrived. And then he's looking. He's looking around. He's scanning the landscape.

Yes, it is okay to look. You should look. You should not only pray, you should also look. God has given you two eyes as well. And he looked in a certain place, not just any place.

Matthew Henry has a really interesting statement about this in his commentary of this verse. He says, when the servant came to seek a wife for his master, he did not go to the playhouse or the park and pray that he might meet one there. But to the well of water, expecting to find one there well employed. There was a certain kind of place that he looked. There are bad places to look and there are good places to look.

And I think we all know where the bad places might be. But all places are not created equal. And then he knew, he knew what he was looking for. So you pray, you look and you know what you're looking for. What Abraham's servant was looking for was super abounding service.

That's what he got. He found this vigorous young lady who was watering these camels. I mean, do you know how much camels drink? I think this girl was bringing 30 or 40 big water pots of water to water these camels and it was an enormous labor that she was engaged in there. But Abraham's servant knew what he was looking for and he saw it in this girl.

And then assist. Isaac and Rebecca were provided help. The father was looking out for the son and played a role in helping his son get married. Young people need help getting married. I really believe that.

There are many awkward moments that need to be experienced in this. There are big hoops to jump through and all of which are threatening and discomforting to everybody in the mix. But those have to be crossed. We dare not fall back from something because it seems threatening or out of our comfort zone. But anytime people engage in this, there are uncomfortable situations.

So believers should not be afraid of uncomfortable situations. They should understand what the issues are and engage them. Because nobody ever got married without having some uncomfortable moments. And so here we find these, at least these things, there's prayer, looking, knowing what was being looked for and then assistance. And then you have this providential meeting with Rebecca.

This is a very interesting meeting. Much we could say about it. I only want to, can say now just a few things. The qualities of Rebecca were her beauty, her purity, and her service. She was wonderfully qualified.

Her character was marked by service and a good disposition. She was industrious. And she took an opportunity to do something for someone. And here we find a young person, a young lady, who is vigorously involved in serving. She's not just sitting around waiting for something to happen.

She's living life large. She's helping her father. This is what daughters should do while they're waiting to be married. And they should be engaged in meaningful, helpful, you know, forward-going, vigorous activity in their father's households. That's what we see with Rebecca.

Then We see Abraham's servant sees the hand of the Lord, and he rewards Rebekah, and he asks to stay. And it's a fascinating set of verses here from 21 to 28. He asks who she is. He asked if he can stay for the night, and then he worships God. Because this man is looking to God the whole time.

His gaze is constantly headed upward in all this process. And this is a great pattern for us as well. We shouldn't just be simply thinking humanistically about these things, but completely dependent, cast upon the mercy of God in this process of God providing spouses for our children. He worships and then Abraham's servant tells the story to Rebekah's family. The story gets told a couple of times.

Everybody loves to hear a love story. One of my favorite things in our house is when a family comes over and we sit down to eat, I always want to hear their love story. How did it all happen? Well, that's sort of what you see here. This story became legendary and and it's told from verses 29 to 49.

It's a beautiful story. It exalts the hand of God. All good stories exalt the hand of God. And it is God-centered in every way. And so the story is quite long.

And then we find Laban and Bethuel affirming the selection. There was a confirmation with the family. Abraham's servant was ready to keep looking if this was not pleasing to them. But both Rebekah and the servant were dependent upon the ruling of the father. They looked to the authority in this home as from God.

And they waited and it was confirmed. This I think, you know, proposes to us the principle of confirmation. If you do not have the confirmation of your father and mother and significant people in your life, beware. We'll say more about this in a few minutes. Slow down, slow down.

In Calvin's, John Calvin's Geneva, you had to have permission if you were up to age 20 for women and 18, I'm sorry, 20 for men and 18 for women. It just acknowledges this principle that there are authorities that God has put in our lives that we should consider them very, very carefully. And we see that, we see an example of that here. Then we see Abraham's servant responds with worship and a prayer. And we see that in the book of John.

And we see that in the book of John. And we see that in the book of John. And we see that in the book of John. With worship and gifts in verses 52 to 53. He's overcome with thankfulness.

He bows down. He worships God. He gives gifts as a result of his worship. And here we find this dear brother who's filled up with amazement. He's dependent upon God.

This is what every father should be, really. Completely cast upon the mercy of God and humble and ready to worship at every point of God's kindness in the process. And then we see the blessing of Rebecca's brothers. This is really a fantastic part of the whole story. Rebecca's brothers bless her, and they understand her role.

And here's what they say, our sister, may you become the mother of thousands of ten thousands, and may your descendants possess the gates of those who hate them. Here were brothers who understood one aspect of marriage. They understood the principle of fruitfulness and how exciting it is to have a sister who will go out and bring forth godly seed and send them out. They were so excited about it. May we have many brothers like this who are so encouraging to their sisters and they know what the Bible says about all these things.

These brothers had unity with the mind of God on the subject of the fertility of their sister. And then we see a really interesting feature here, deference is given to Rebecca's opinion. Well, this was, it was an arranged marriage, but it was not a forced marriage. And Rebecca could have bowed out at any time here, but she did not desire to bow out at all. But her disposition on the matter was considered and I recommend this.

I recommend that we do not have forced marriages. I would recommend that we are very careful with our daughters and with our sons that we are godly in our approach that we don't presume maybe too much and try to force things that God has not intended. And the disposition of a son or a daughter can help us understand whether this, whether this marriage should, should be consummated. It's a great love story. It starts with Isaac's empty household at age 40, and it ends with these words, he loved her, and he loved her ever after.

And what a dramatic and beautiful story. You know, it just, it tells us so many things. God does provide, God does see. We see a father who loves his son. We see a son who loves and honors his father.

And then we, we seek sort of a, a quality of fearlessness in Rebecca, don't we? This girl is ready to leave her father's house and travel a long distance. She's fearless. She has confidence in God somehow that God would, that God is blessing her. You know, remember Sarah left her homeland, too, to follow her husband to a land that he did not know.

God called Abraham and he did not know where he was going. Abraham was married to a woman who had a husband who didn't know where he was going. Now that's unnerving. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever been married to a man who didn't know where he was going?

Well, that's what happened here. And now we have this daughter who has the fearlessness of Sarah who would follow the leading of the Lord. May God give us wives like this who would take hold of the hands of their husbands when they don't know where they're going and to follow them, to be a source of happiness and to be a force for the glory of God in the midst of their confusion in life. Well, we see the same courage that Sarah had when she left and followed Abraham in Rebecca here. OK.

Here's just some applications. In this narrative, this story, follow the best aspects of this example. There really are compelling and helpful principles. Test them with the rest of Scripture as well. I mean, you know, it would be wrong of us to try to take every feature of every story and make doctrine out of it.

But we have to look at the very best examples and then test them with what else we know about Scripture. Parents ought to enter into the process of marrying their children. That's another principle of this text. We also see that bringing the best resources to bear for finding the mates of our children appears here in this text. Abraham uses his most trusted servant.

You know, So here's one thing we have. Generally, we have a generation of singles who were never really encouraged to be married. And so they did the right thing. They did the godly thing. They waited and waited and waited.

And their parents took a hands-off role. Marriage was just something that was going to just happen somehow. So now you have situations where because there was not encouragement to marry, that marriage was delayed and perhaps in some cases the time of marriage is passed because they didn't value marriage highly enough. One of my Southern Baptist brothers says Do the right thing and get married, you young men. Do the right thing.

Go fulfill God's purposes. It's not wrong of us to consider marriage, to pray about it, to cry about it. It's not wrong of us to have it in a proper place. We must trust God with it. But at the same time we shouldn't despise it and say well whatever and treat it as if it was nothing.

But what we find here is Abraham brings significant resources to bear here. He makes a big deal out of it. He's going to assist in this process and make it a category. And then another application is this, be affected by the trustful and the worshipful and thankful child likeness of Abraham's servant. I would love someday just to talk about Abraham's servant.

Wow! What an example he is for all of us as someone who is on a mission and he's constantly looking heavenward. He is a great study, but we should be affected by this element of the story and this personality that God has given us to look at. And then we should pray for the marriages of our children. And I know that there are many who are very concerned and cry out to God for it.

We need to do that. We need to dedicate significant time. If you have a son or a daughter that needs to be married, you need to be praying. You need to be fasting and praying. God has told us that there are some things that do not come out except with prayer and fasting.

And so we should recognize that and we should dedicate prayer to it. Often we just want to do things or say things, whatever, and we don't want to dedicate the time in prayer, but we should be praying about these things. And we see that prayer happening throughout this whole story. Trusting God for providential meetings is another. Who, you know, Abraham's servant wasn't sure how all this was going to happen.

And neither are you, and neither am I. But God is sovereign, and we have to trust in providential meetings and connections and things like that. God is faithful for these things. But we have to remember that God is in charge of all of the human beings in the earth, all of their movements, all of their thoughts, all of their affections. And so we must trust God and his providential work toward us.

And then glorify the fruitful lifestyle that Rebecca's brothers did. So That's a story. I wanted to begin with a story that raises a number of the issues that are constantly on our minds for this and to see what applications we might make. Now, how does this, how do you work this out in the 21st century? Okay.

We know what happened with Abraham, but what about me? What about you? How do we think about this? And what I want to do now is I want to give a number of principles and conclusions that I think we should at least consider in all this. And first of all, is that scripture presents sufficient principles for all of these situations.

I believe that scripture presents patterns that are workable and applicable. But I don't believe that Scripture provides one single overwhelming exclusive formula for handling the getting of our children married. There are no two marriage stories alike in the Bible. And so that should inform us that we shouldn't just lock on to one methodology or one way or one thing that happened to Abraham or, You know, the other family that you know, because God works in different ways, but there are authoritative commands and principles that should govern this whole process. There are commands and principles regarding sexuality.

That should guide the process of our children getting to know and then finally marrying. There are principles of community and family that need to be acknowledged as well. That should help guide us in understanding how we should engage this process. There's much in scripture about the nature of marriage, so that should help us think about who should our sons and daughters marry. There are principles about what marriage is all about and that should inform sons and daughters and their parents as they engage in this.

There are creation order relationships that need to be acknowledged. Fathers are the heads of their sons and daughters until they leave their house. Until they leave their house. When you give your daughter away to be married, she, the moment before you do that, she is under your headship and under your care. And then you transfer her under the care and the authority and the headship of her husband.

I believe that there are three states of womanhood in the Bible. One is a daughter in her father's house. She is under his headship and then he transfers her seamlessly into the headship and the care of her husband. If that husband dies, then there are provisions for the church and the family to take care of her. Those are the three states of womanhood.

And so it is, we need to acknowledge that there's a way that God has organized and structured our lives before we get married and then the moment we get married, things change. A son becomes a head In an instant, in an instant of time, God takes this son and he turns him into the head of a household in just a blink of an eye. And he does that same thing with the daughter. And it's a beautiful thing, but creation order relationships need to be acknowledged. Parental authority, parental counsel have to be considered.

Sometimes parents lose their minds. Sometimes parents fall into sin in this process. They sin against their children. And so it brings up all kinds of difficulties. We'll talk about it in the second section a little bit more about that.

So the law of kindness that should govern all the relationships, the way that a father should treat a suitor, the way that a future mother-in-law should treat a future daughter-in-law. All the laws of love bear into this doing unto one another as you would have them do to you. All figures in. So, scripture presents sufficient principles to engage in all the different questions. But at the same time, I don't believe there are airtight biblical formulas.

I'm not comfortable presenting a cookie cutter formula to guide every part of the courtship process. Scripture seems to present a diversity of applications, but there are no courtship stories that are exactly alike, and I think that means that God has designed into His kingdom some flexibility. He desires us to be dependent upon Him in whatever state we find ourselves. And so we have to be careful with that. He expects us to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord in all of these engagements.

Thirdly, I don't know if this needs to be said in a place like this, but I would just like to suggest that the current dating system is unbiblical and it's destructive. The patterns of dating, the underlying principles that are at work they're faith destroying, they are marriage destroying, evangelism, hampering features that the whole dating system that we now have upon us is, there are just so many worldly features of what is common today. And we started this session by stating, do not love the world or the things of the world. And we have to acknowledge there are worldly ways upon us that inform our thinking about getting, about helping our children get, getting married. There, there are just so many problems with, with the modern, with the modern dating system.

You know, there, it, it, it glorifies and promotes and flourishes multiple engagements and multiple mini divorces instead of carefully considered engagements. It focuses on individualistic inclinations and passions instead of kingdom conscious thinking. It forces and exalts romantic methodology instead of principled methodology. Romance is biblical. It's wonderful.

It's seen in many places in scripture, but it's not the only thing. There are, there are other considerations than just that, that should be considered. But in the modern dating system, it's all, it's all romance and no, and no principle. It features immoral relationships instead of proactively pure relationships. I mean I just think we need to acknowledge that the process of getting married today is malfunctioning severely in our land.

You know, a study was done just a few months ago said that 95 percent of the marriages that are happening today in America, premarital intimacy is our, is the fair, 95%. Well that's what we get, that's what we get with the philosophy that's upon us now. And we have, you know, divorce rates in the church that are, you know, worse than many, you know, sectors of the world. And so there's so much peer pressure on us in this whole thing. You know, how do you help your daughter endure the peer pressure of this whole dating system that's upon her?

You know, society expects that your sons and daughters do something that we've rejected as sinful and that really causes a lot of problems. And so we, you know, our children go and they see people and the first question they get is, well do you have a girlfriend yet? You're 12 aren't you? You know? And then that pressure never, it only gets worse.

I mean if you're 18 and don't have a boyfriend, who are you? What is wrong with you? I mean that's the way the world thinks. It's totally bankrupt. It's completely against what God has cast forth in these areas of love and relationships.

So what do you do with all of that peer pressure that's coming upon you? And I would just suggest, you know, your home, your home life needs to be a place of vision. It needs to be a place of godly activity. It needs to be a very exciting place where real things are happening and this means that fathers need to rise up and They need to make their households, households of faith. And they need to be active.

They need to be tearing up ground. They need to be, you know, taking some risks and doing things that might not seem normal to everybody else around them. So a home, a home needs to be a wonderful place, more wonderful than anything that the world has to offer. You know, a gravitational force of the love of God and the beauty of the kingdom of heaven so that a son would not be seduced by something that would only make his life irrelevant for many, many years because immorality, wrong engagements do nullify much. We just have to realize that that's the truth.

You know, there are many, many daughters who are just out there floating. They, they have no vision because their fathers and their mothers have no vision. And, and they're very vulnerable. And you know, so are, are you talking, are you talking to your daughter? Are you finding out what's brewing in her mind, what's hurting her heart, what's making her feel insecure?

Do you know, has she expressed to you her fears? Does she tell you of the things she wants to do so badly? I mean, you know, fathers need to be talking to their daughters so that they can understand how to lead them, you know, and how to guide them. Fathers need to engage their families in things that are significant. What's significant?

Okay, here's one thing that's significant. The church is significant. How about that? How about wrapping your family around serving the Church of Jesus Christ and having your sons and your daughters energized and laboring for something really significant? The church is the most significant institution on the planet today.

It's the only thing that Christ said he would build on the earth. It was the only, he didn't write a book himself, But he established the church as his bride, as his body. The church is significant. You know, how do you get your family involved in something significant? The church is the very first thing.

It ought to be number one on the list of every household. And the excitement of ministry and caring for people and the tears and the joys and the labors that are involved in life in a local church should be experienced. And so often daughters and sons are just floating because fathers don't love the church very much at all. It's a by business to them, not their business. The church should be our business.

So let me give you five, I'm just going to call them procedural data points for handling the premarital relationship. Here's one. Honor and jurisdiction. The couple must honor parental authority and responsibility. Scripture makes fathers the heads of their sons and daughters.

And so I don't believe it's appropriate for a young man to woo a girl or try to win her heart without first speaking with and dealing with her father and getting his permission. That young men should honor the jurisdictional structure that God has placed over her. And to, so we don't have a bunch of flirty boys, you know, trying to look so deeply into the eyes of these girls to win their hearts when it's not time. Or when a father would be against it. And so this is a great help.

It creates manly relationships and manly friendships that might actually go somewhere. But there should be an acknowledgment of the honor due to the heads of these children. And there's some protection in that for a son and a daughter. The next thing is counsel. Wise counselors who know the couple need to be consulted and there should be general affirmation for the marriage.

I don't think that this has to happen in every situation. Sin can upset this and so discernment needs to be engaged in it. But there generally should be an affirmation among the friends and the family that this is a good thing to do. And then equal yoking. There must be a process of interviewing and screening to establish equal yoking and compatible values.

There must be an opportunity to get to know one another. There needs to be mutuality and affection. You know, love is a decision, but it's not only a decision. It's a number of things. This book on courtship that I've just republished that's here available has a big section on this whole issue.

How do you determine equal yoking? And it speaks about a lot of different things that you should ask yourself to consider whether This is an equal yoking. It takes, it generally takes time for people to determine whether they are compatible on a number of different issues. Is compatibility the only issue? No, no it's not.

But it's one issue And there are a number of questions that should be asked regarding that question. You know, one of the things that happens to us is that We think that equal yoking is just about theology. Like, you know, if, you know, there's a reformed matchmaking website where it just puts people together who are reformed. I'm not making fun of it. I'm just saying that there, you know, we think that theology might be the only category.

Well, it's not the only category for sure. It's definitely a category that needs to be considered. But many, many issues enter into the discussion when you talk about equal yoking. Equal yoking isn't just that you are Baptists or Presbyterians. It's way more than that.

And so without getting to know one another, all you're really left with is a pretty face and your thought may be naive that everything is just going to be beautiful. But there should be an establishment of equal yoking. It should be, it should consider things like the should consider theology, it should consider life calling, it should consider gifts that this couple is going to come together and they're going to work together. They are going to be like Priscilla and Aquila in the book of Acts and in Romans 16. Here you have this wonderful couple, they're always mentioned together, Priscilla and Aquila, they're just always together.

And this is a couple, they have a church in their home, they are instructing, they go and they instruct Apollos as he needs it, this is a wonderful couple here, you find this intertwining of energy and vision and mission and this couple, this marriage has an output and a calling in the church. Well that should be considered you know when two people consider to be married, they should ask, has God given us similar passions for ministry? Has he helped us to see how we might labor together? Because husbands and wives should labor together. They mix their energy, they mix their love and they, it concentrates, it multiplies and it, and families are born and all kinds of things happen.

And it's so critical that there, there's an understanding of, of equal yoking. You know, when, when the, when the apostle Paul spoke to the Corinthians in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 about equal yoking, everybody in the room knew what he was talking about. We don't know what that means anymore. You know, who has a yoke of oxen around here? Well, we don't know what equal yoking is and how particular you must be to yoke two animals.

It's very difficult. There are issues about the yoke and the personality of the animals and You can't put this animal in front because it has a certain disposition. It's got to be in the right, in the back right, not in the back left because it tends to favor this one foot. So it's very, you have to be very careful in this whole issue of equal yoking. When Paul talked about being equally yoked, it meant a lot more than, hey, we're just Baptist together.

So equal yoking is something that has to be considered beyond our own understanding in our own times. Yoking means that two are going to work together. So a son and a daughter need to know if they love to work together. You know what? I love working with my wife, Deborah.

I do. Oh, you know, we, sometimes we've, you know, there have been times when we've built things together. She, by the, she's great with a circular saw and a table saw, by the way. But I love working with my wife. It's a very sweet thing to me.

And husbands and wives should be, they labor together. They are heirs together of the grace of life. But this togetherness brings forth so many things. And when you consider this issue of yoking, it needs to be more than just what we think alike on these five issues. I think there are people that think alike on maybe 20 issues that maybe they shouldn't be married.

I think that's possible. And they just need to consider that. And then that brings us to love and mutuality. The couple should have a genuine tender love for one another and a passion for the marriage and not be forced in it. You know, we, I think that it happens to us that we often react.

Like for example, we're living in a culture We're living in a culture where doctrine means nothing to anyone. And so then we react and we make it every, we make it the only thing. And, you know, is that the right thing? Well, there are issues of love and mutuality that also enter into the picture. Then there's purity.

A couple's purity must be maintained according to biblical definitions and protections. Protections should be in place here. All things must be tested. You know this issue of purity is, you know, should really be on our minds. We should make no provision for the flesh.

We should flee youthful lusts. The will of God is for our sanctification that we abstain from sexual immorality and that we should know how to possess our own vessels in sanctification and honor. You know, I mean, there are some pretty terrifying things to consider in this whole matter. I mean, in the Old Testament, fathers were required to protect their daughter's femininity and modesty and responsible to be able to speak to their virginity. In Deuteronomy 22, 15 through 19, it's a father that is to testify to his daughter's virginity.

I believe that God holds fathers responsible for some of this here. And often fathers do not protect their daughters properly. And they also don't protect their sons either by the things that they allow them to look at and the places they allow them to go and the things that they allow them to nourish in their own souls that light the fires of passion unrighteously. So purity is something that we really, really need to take into account. The principle in all of this I think comes from Romans 13, verse 10, true love does no harm to a neighbor but fulfills the law.

That should be the overwhelming governing principle of all that we do in the bringing of our sons and daughters together that we would not harm our neighbor nor would we break the law of God in the process. We're subject to all kinds of forces, anger, disappointment, panic, and in the next session we'll address some of those things. But I'll say I pray that we as a church would not love the world or the things of the world for the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, the boastful pride of life is not from God but from the world. And there are ways of the Gentiles in our premarital practices. We need to get rid of them.

And we need to glorify God with sweet friendships, premarital relationships. If you want to call them courtships or betrothal, whatever you want to call them, they should honor the word of God and they should be dedicated to the promotion of the kingdom of heaven. And So here we've just seen a wonderful example, a beautiful story, a very happy story of a marriage of Isaac and Rebekah and then some principles. I just pray that God would give us hearts of wisdom as we engage all these things.