Alright, we're gonna pray and begin. Father, we're so grateful to be even allowed in your presence, that you've welcomed us into your throne room, and you've lowered the scepter and asked us to come in. So we come and we petition you that you would be pleased with us, that we would be allowed to give you our praise and our honor and our glory. We also bring petitions before you, knowing that you indeed are sovereign and we're so, so grateful for it. Thank you for Jeff Johnson's last message.

Lord, it's so good to hear from men who've been laboring over a section of scripture that is so, so helpful, so grateful for it. And Lord, I ask too that you would pour out your Holy Spirit in a special way on Janet. She's been preparing, she's been thinking, She's been praying and laboring before you. I ask that you would give her the desire of her heart and allow her to make her points and to communicate the things that you've been teaching her. So thankful for it.

Amen. Janet Dome, most of you know her, Jason Dome's wife, Megan and Laura's and Anna's and Jake's and Becca's and Abby's, did I miss one, mom. She's been my friend forever, I can't ever remember not having her for a friend. And so I super super love this gal. So Deborah was actually one of my bridesmaids 32 years ago or something like that.

And Scott performed our wedding. So, and her two oldest girls were our bridesmaids. They didn't have but two at that time. So, it was very, flower girls. What did I say?

Those little people that pull fire alarms and such. So, I'm going to jump right in because our time is limited. I'm going to speak for a little while and then, Deborah, I'm going to take some questions. We thought an hour and 15 of questions sounded like a kind of crazy thing. So, I had actually been reading a book called Ever Only, All for Thee, about Frances Ridley Havergall.

Has anybody read this? Any hands? Good. Not too many. Good.

That's perfect. The book itself is not super well-written. Like, it's not one that just sucks you in. You can't wait to read the next page. But what's wonderful about it is who Frances Ridley Havergall was.

It reveals who she was. This lady who wrote this actually edited all 5, 000 pages of FRH, as we will now call her. I cannot say that name any more times. FRH's life had, she wrote about 5, 000 pages of hymns and poems and stories and books. So this lady that wrote this book, Ever Only All for Thee, Was the editor for all of those pages the complete works of FRH So she was so inspired by her life that she pulled some excerpts and that's what this book is.

So it's not chronological It's more topical. So that's wonderful. I'm a math major. I kind of like things to be in order. So it was difficult for me.

It may be great for you. So then I'm looking on my homeschool shelf. This is now a homeschool plug, so those of you that care. There's a trailblazer book about FRH. Well, this is written in a great flow of her life.

And it's written at, I think, the 10- to 14-year-old age range, so I completely understood it. It was good for me. So if you like a book that's well-written and orderly, but she also has lots of quotes from FRH, so it's still inspiring. So anyway, pass this on to your younger friends. Read it for yourself.

But I'm pulling stuff from her life. I just want to tell you a little bit about who she was. She lived from 1836 to 1879. She died at 42 years of age, never married. She had some proposals, but turned some of those down.

She was born to a pastor and a godly wife, had five brothers and sisters. Her mom died when she was 11. She knew hardship. She had a very sweet father who was a hymn writer and musician on his own account. She was an amazing musician.

We mostly know her. You guys have in your laps hopefully Take My Life and Let It Be. That's probably the hymn that I'm most familiar with that she wrote. She also wrote Like a River, Glorious, so some of you are familiar with that. And if you'll start kind of watching the bottoms of your hymns, you might find some more that she wrote.

But they're lovely hymns. The words, she not only wrote words, she wrote music. She was a very talented woman. She both played piano. She had a lovely voice.

I haven't heard her. It was a long time ago. But according to all people who got to hear her, it was like having a songbird enter your room. She was a composer. So we know her mostly for hymns.

But like I said, she was a writer. And she didn't just write women's books. She wrote books about God and she wrote them for children and she wrote them for singles. She wrote them for invalids. She wrote them as a devotional nature and then there's all these hymns that are just lovely.

She wrote tons of poems. I'm not really a poem girl. Because I'm a math girl, the whole poetry thing and interpreting poetry always made me a little bit crazy. If you want to tell me something, just tell me. But her poems, she does.

She just tells you, but she tells you in a pretty way. They're lovely. So I found myself reading back over this over and over, just reading excerpts of her writing. And I'm not a poetry girl, but I appreciated so much how she communicated with me. I believe, Rebecca Lundquist, I think you gave me this book, not sure.

I think my friend Rebecca gave me this book a long time ago and it sat on my shelf because I would start it and Francis was so darn holy I just couldn't stand to read it. That's the truth because it was intimidating and it was shaming that she had this lovely life of knowing Jesus that I didn't have a life like that. So I'm just gonna say to you God gave it to me at just the right time. I finally finished it about two weeks ago and then Deborah and I were talking about what to do with this day and I said well I'm really in love with FRH, this single woman who poured her entire life into God's kingdom so let me talk about her. So you're gonna hear about FRH and what lessons we can learn from her life today.

From the church and family life website, I was looking at what this description of this time was today and one line was, whether single or married, true joy comes when you glorify God and live a life set apart for his service. This when I read that line I thought that's FRH, that's my friend. You're going to, I'm sorry I cannot call her anything but FRH if that bothers you I might can go to Fannie, her family called her Fannie. But she, I feel like I know this lady, I wish she lived in our time period so that I could know her for real. But this illustrates her life.

She glorified God and lived a life set apart for his service. So I want to give you just a list of some ways that I saw this through the things about her life. It was about 30 years that she was a believer before she passed away. She taught Sunday school or girls classes everywhere she went. She lived in several towns.

She worked in several churches. She worked in several alms houses. Everywhere she went, she was teaching the people around her. I have a quote for you about this, just to give you a piece of what she was like. This was, she was getting ready to leave a church where she had been for 14 years, and it says, my Sunday school scholars, she kept a neatly kept register entitled my Sunday school scholars with each child's details, such as birthdays, any things of significance that occurred in their home, general impressions of their character, et cetera.

She freely admitted that though she might have a very sincere love and interest in other children, she would never be able to give any future class the same intensity of affection which these won and some reciprocated. I thought it was such a sweet, just little picture of her life that not only did she pour her life into these kids, she kept up with them. She kept notes on them. She was orderly about how she cared for them. And when I went back and looked at the years, that first year that she kept notes, she was 10 years old.

She was not a 30-year-old single or a 40-year-old single. She was a 10-year-old and she wasn't even saved yet. But she was already pouring her life out, best she knew how, for the people that God put around her. She helped the poor regularly. She organized others to help and give.

She ministered to the poor both through song and words and actually making sure they had what they needed. She ministered to the well-to-do as well. There's all these stories about her singing at tea parties. We'll get back to that. She taught and lived with her sister's children for about six years.

She stayed with and cared for her stepmother for about eight years towards the end of her life. She hosted visitors in many homes, whether it's her parents home or her sister's homes. She was constantly helping host visitors. She also talks about visiting area cottages I just love the word cottage don't you want to visit a cottage? So she visited wherever she was, like even if she was not well, she would eventually get to visiting the area cottages.

She supported missions through her giving. So she ended up making money from some of the sales of hymn books and some of her writings. And much of that money went to support missions in different areas. There was some work in the Irish society that she helped support through a book that she wrote. And all the proceeds went to this neat society to try and get the word of God to the people in Ireland and to help them learn to read.

She loved to travel, especially to Switzerland. But the stories go on and on about her sharing of the hope she had within her. She didn't just go to Switzerland and totally veg out. She was looking for Opportunities to share the gospel with people and those stories are quite prevalent in these writings so This list notice. I didn't even include the hymns and the books and all that stuff.

That was that's all the other stuff She did Then she wrote all these books and all these famous writings that we now have today. About four million books were published between 1870 and 1900 and more since then. You might not know this about her. She struggled with her health for most of her life. She had many health issues.

She would have fevers that would knock her out for periods of time where she couldn't do anything. We'll get back to that also. So my question is should we admire this long amazing list of work that FRH accomplished? Well we should we should admire it and it is impressive but it's simply the fruit of the Spirit working in her and her desire to share Him with others. She wasn't checking off a list to satisfy God.

She wasn't – There was no checklist. She was just oozing out of the fruit of the spirit of what God had put inside of her. So she would not want us to be impressed by her. She would point us to the author and finisher of her faith. So what should we take from her life?

Obviously, there's much to be learned. We don't want to copy her works. First of all, God prepared her beforehand for these works that she would walk in them. God's prepared each of you beforehand for works that you should walk in. They're not the same.

There's no two people in this room that should be walking in the same works. They should be having the same exact fruit. It bears different ways. We all have different things that God's given us to do, some because of our talents and some because of what he puts in front of us. You're not always doing what's Easy to do for you.

Sometimes you're doing what God gives you to do whether you like it or not So our fruit shouldn't look the same Most of us are regular folks. I don't know how many in here Have memorized many books of the Bible, but frh memorized. Hold on The whole New Testament except acts Isaiah Psalms and all the minor prophets and then some other stuff. Oh my goodness, what kind of brain does that? So I won't ask for a show of hands for those of you that have done that, but I have not, just to be clear.

Most of us don't have minds that work that when we think of a poem it just pops right out and I put out eight or ten little couplets together. I'm lucky to get a sentence out without messing up a word, But God has given each of us our things to do. And that's what we have to be looking for, and to be faithful with whatever it is he gives us. Most of us will not do these things that she did. She was special.

But she did them, and she pointed to God, which helps each of us. It helps us to understand our role. From watching her life, she was faithful with what she was given, and she lived purposefully to bring glory and attention to her Jesus. She learned to delight in her father's will, even when it was really opposed to her own will. The scriptures were alive to her and active in her mind.

The next quote I have from you is when they thought she was dying from typhoid fever in the fall of 74 and she says to her sister Maria I did not think of death as a dark valley I only thought that he was coming for me I should see my king and when I was recovering and then fell ill again I could not even pray or think but only say Lord Jesus I'm so tired and then he brought to my mind rest in the Lord be silent to him and I felt peace and love Oh Maria how he keeps us in his hand even when we can't pray or do a thing to help ourselves I love how God brought his word to her mind when she couldn't do anything else. She couldn't write a hymn. She couldn't take something to the poor. There was all these things she couldn't do, and yet She allowed, because she knew God's word, it came to her mind and she was given peace through this word from God. So I have a few questions for you to consider.

How do you spend your time and your resources? Let me just say, how do you spend your resources? What are some of your resources? You have time, you have energy, you have money, you have talents. How do you spend those things?

Do you have a list of things to do if the Lord wills? When Frances Ridley Havergal, I said it again, When she died, she had a list, and it said at the top, if the Lord wills. And some of those things she got done, and some she didn't. The Lord did not will for some of those things. But she had a list of things she was working towards.

I thought, as I was thinking about this, she had kind of two areas of life that are inspiring. One, she had a planned list of things that she was trying to accomplish, and they were lengthy. They were kind of, they were somewhat amazing to look at it. But then she was also, had these spontaneous works that she did, that as God brought stuff to her life, she did it. As she'd run into a maid in a hotel, she would start a conversation and would always, it seemed like from the stories they tell, it would end up with the gospel or some help for that person.

And I thought, do I see people as interruptions or is God-ordained plan for my life? As someone who needs to hear from me about him. Usually I see people as interruptions of my list. FRH saw them as part of the list. It was part of what she was called to do.

The people in your lives are not interruptions. They are people made in God's image that need your attention and need your care. How are you involved with others? FRH was totally focused on other people. She had very little energy to focus on herself.

I find that to be a sign of maturity when you're focused on everything but yourself and that takes a lot of work doesn't it? To really take your eyes away from yourself, See what God has for you. I have a story for you. When she was on a train, this was actually, she was, didn't know she had typhoid yet, she was on the way back from Switzerland, and she was returning home with, and she was on set typhoid, So she was starting to feel really, really bad. She was just trying to get home.

Well, she ran into a lady who really wanted to meet her. And with much effort, she spent time with this lady and gave comfort to this lady. So after she gets home, This lady later quoted to Maria, her sister, that she had the sweet time, but she didn't know that at the time Frances was very stretched and suffering. And this lady said, oh, if I could only feel as she looked. Your sister Frances was so young and lovely.

And I'm glad I saw for once that God-satisfied face. A ray of hope came to me as she talked to me in the train. Some were, uh, FRH was at the end of herself. This lady didn't know it. And she was able to offer hope and peace and just kindness to this lady in the train.

A story about myself when I moved to Raleigh, North Carolina as a single, I was going to be a teacher, a math teacher, and I was tired of serving the church, and I was tired of pouring my life out, because I'd done that for 22 years. I thought, it is time for me. I'm gonna take a little break. Nobody knows me in this new town. So I went to church, but I didn't get involved.

I didn't go to extra meetings. I didn't serve in any way. I was teaching a high school. I didn't do anything extra there I just kind of hung out It was the most miserable period of my life in my entire life. I was not doing what God asked me to do I was not pouring my life out for the people around me.

And when I came to the end of that period, I was thankful for it because it helped me understand better that that wasn't how I wanted to live my life. And I also went to a singles meeting at the church I was attending at the time and I started greeting at the door the first night. I was done with that life. I'm gonna pour my life into whoever God gives me and I'm starting right now. So if you're one of those people who is given a lot, don't grow weary and doing good.

It's not your good. I think I thought Too much of it was my work. It's not my work. It's God's work. And it was time to readjust my thinking as a single girl to how I can pour my life into who God has for me next.

Let's see. Danger is for singles. A danger for single is focused on self. We just, as a single, you have sometimes time to do that, that you might not have in other times of your life. Another danger is obviously social media.

That's not a danger for singles, That's a danger for humans that have a phone in their hand If you find yourself spending time being on social media not being sociable there's probably something wrong Don't let your life get sucked in to a fake world on the internet. A third one, a danger for singles is doing ministry to get a husband. If you're choosing where you're going to be because you might be able to meet the right guy there, that's probably not the right motivation. Should you be out in places where you might meet the right guy? Absolutely.

Should you choose your ministry purposes for that reason? Probably not. Choose according to what God brings to you and what's right for you. Another danger for anyone, but especially for singles, is focusing on limitations. And that's the next area I want to talk about.

How do you handle your limitations? Do only you have limitations? No. Everyone in the world has limitations, whether they're single or married or what their circumstance. FRH was limited by health, severely limited by health.

She lived with others every day of her life. She never had her own home that I could determine for my reading. She was living with sisters or brothers or her mother and father or her stepmother. Some of those were not perfect situations. Most of them sound like They were really good, to tell you the truth.

But especially helping her stepmother at the end of her life sound like it was, there was some difficulties there where Frances had to lay down her life and make choices that she might not have made, but she did it for her stepmother. She had financial limits as a young woman. Everyone has limitations. Some more than others, We're not all the same. Are you bitter about your limitations?

Are you angry about your limitations? Who brought those limitations to your door? It was God. God's the one that puts limitations on our life whether we like it or not. He limits us in ways that sometimes it directs us.

FRH writes some poems about her sickness and how it helped her in different ways. I would beg you to, if you have bitterness about your limitations, take them to the Lord. Don't sit there and let bitterness grow. He will help you with that. He will help you understand how to live through.

Limitations are not, it's not that they're not painful sometimes. They are. Some of our limitations are very painful and very restrictive sometimes, and we just don't like it. I'm not, I'm not trying to minimize those. I'm just saying God can help you with those and help you know what it means for you to live with those and how to live well with those.

I want to read you her poem she wrote. I'm going to read you this whole little bit here. Francis Ridley Havergall calls back to us through her pain and suffering. Pain, she writes, is but one of his graving tools, producing the likeness to Jesus for which we long. I think one must pass through it for oneself before one can actually realize the actual blessing of suffering.

Meanwhile, you may well take the testimony of those who have. Its conscious effects are to give one deeper feeling of one's entire weakness and helplessness, a lesson which we are all slow to learn in health, and of the real nothingness of earthly aims and comforts and the fleetingness of everything except God. Then it drives one close to him each moment. One cannot bear it even for one moment alone. One must lean and cling." I'm going to pass the poem because I think we're going to run out of time.

But if you'd like to see the poem that goes with that, come see me afterwards. I would beg you if you have limitations, and we all do, to focus on what you can do instead of what you can't. I don't know many people with limitations that are so limited that they can really do nothing. Even a person in a nursing home with no skills, no abilities to move can pray, and that would be such a blessing to have a saint praying all the time that she or he is awake. We all have things we can do.

It might not be the things we choose to do, but we all have things that God's given us to do. So I'd beg you to Be content with the life that God's given you. I tried to make marriage happen for myself when I was a young lady. I tried to hang out with certain guys that I thought might be marriageable. They weren't, at least not for me.

The morning I was in my shower praying that I'd go to Africa that I do anything God. I don't have to be married I was in the I was done. I was done seeking after Relationships with guys trying to hang out in the right place to be with the right guys. I was so done with that. I was sick of it.

I was finally willing to do what God wanted me to do. And that morning Jason came to my door. That's my husband. Now, it's not a formula, ladies. You can't be in your shower and say, I'm ready now, God.

I'm so willing. It's not a formula. But I appreciate God doing that for me. It's a sweet story, and I appreciate His kindness. And was He waiting on me to be ready, to be able to give up my will until He would bring the right guy?

I was definitely not ready to be married before then. I had things in my character that needed to grow. I needed some things. I needed Jason to get a little older because I was five years older than him, so he had to get out of diapers and stuff. So, but there were things that had to change in me before I would be ready for marriage.

So I would encourage you to look for those things. Those are a blessing. That time's a blessing, to be more ready before, if Lord is willing, if you are married. So how do we become an FRH type of woman? I know I have all these things rolling around my head that you don't have rolling around your head because I've been pouring through these books so But hopefully you've got a little tidbit of what kind of lady she was.

She was full of love and self-sacrifice She worshiped she loved to worship God. She was full of joy full of peace. She was very at peace with the life that God had given her. Not that she didn't struggle. There's a couple quotes I have from her single life where she talked about the tears that come with the Christmas by herself, where she was ministering to others and nobody really worried about her.

She was giving, she was taking care of her stepmother, who was a new widow. And so there, it's not that, there's not a level of suffering at times, but what do we do with it? What do we do with our lives, even in the midst of that? Well, how do we become an FRH type of woman? Number one would be the spirit of God is required.

If you're not a believer, you can't be an FRH kind of woman. You just can't. She knew God, and it poured out of her pores. It just oozed out to everything and everything she did and everyone she met. So to be an FRH type of woman you would have to know God.

You have to spend time in his word, spend time with him. Can you imagine memorizing that much scripture and how it would help you. It helped every situation she was in. It poured out of her mouth to the people around her. How do you become an FRH type of woman?

Don't wait. Are you waiting for a certain time in your life to be a certain age? Are you waiting to be married to be an FRH type of woman? Are you waiting till it's easier? Don't wait.

FRH never waited. She sees every available moment to be becoming more and more God's woman. How do you become an FRH type of woman? One moment at a time. We have a statement in our family, how do you get something done?

How do you eat the elephant? One bite at a time. How do you become more holy? How do you become more happy? How do you become more peaceful?

One moment at a time, one choice at a time, and the moments do build. You don't have to do great things in the next millisecond. The great thing is at the end what Jeff Johnson was just talking about at the end when God says oh well done does he mean every moment was well done no way we all know better we all are on this path that hopefully as our life goes by we we're improving we're getting more holy, we're coming more like Jesus. But it's ups and downs. It's not a linear equation.

I got some math in there. It's not straight up the mountain, okay? It's not. It's very raggedy. Our path is not what we would maybe want it to be.

But we should see progress, and we want to make progress. I beg you to take your moments and use them well. FRH was always learning. At one point, somebody asked her to do the part of Jezebel in a play, and she was going to do it. She thought, oh, I think I can do that really well.

I'm a good singer. And so she decided not to because some man said, how could some young woman who glorifies God be the part of Jezebel? I don't know if it was wrong or not. I have no idea. But she decided from that moment on that she would only sing for Jesus.

And so it affected her life in ways that made her testify to God in times that she might not have. Here's a story. During visit to London, Frances was invited to an amateur musical evening concerning which her sister Maria wrote. Some classical music was rendered, and F was especially riveted by the finished singing of an Italian lady. Presently, my sister was invited, last of all to the piano.

True to her resolve, let me sing only always for my king. She chose a song of handles. Then the hostess gracefully pressed her for one of her own compositions. So she sang, whom having not seen, ye love. The rooms were hushed.

And then the Italian stranger, with tears in her eyes, sought her as she left the piano with, Miss Havergal, I envy you. Your words and face tell me you have something I have not. This is what we want our influence to be. We want our words and our face, the way we carry ourselves, the way we speak, everything about our lives, we want it to give to the world around us, the watching world, that they see that we have something they do not. This is what we're becoming.

Sorry girls. Okay, I'm gonna end it there because we're getting low on time. I would like us to end with her hymn that you have in your book right there. A quick quote by her, she talked about her writing hymns. She said, some of those still in existence are such pathetic and dismal affairs.

Why put off joyous singing till we reach the happier shore? Let us sing words which we feel in love with clearness of enunciation and looking up to meet his smile all the while we are singing. So shall we loyally sing for our King, yes for him whose voice is our truest music. So as we sing this together I want you to sing joyfully, I don't care if you're enunciate or not, but sing joyfully to your King looking unto him. She wrote this after an experience where she had been in a home where God gave her the prayer, oh, God, give me all these in this home.

There were 10 people there, some saved, some not. And she wrote this after about five days in that home. All the people in the home were blessed. Either they got saved or they became more like Jesus in some way. There was a blessing given to all, and she stayed up all night long, and God gave her this song.

And it was called the consecration hymn when she wrote it. She consecrated herself to the Lord. Take my life and let it be. OK. We're going to sing this with no music.

So here we go. Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee Take my moments and my days and flow in ceaseless praise. Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love. Take my feet and let them be Swift and beautiful for thee Take my voice and let me sing, always only for my King. Take my lips and let them be Filled with messages from me Filled with messages from me Take my silver and my gold not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect and use, every power as thou shalt choose. Take my will and make it thine. It shall be no longer mine. Take my will and make it thine. It shall be no longer mine.

It shall be thy royal throne. It shall be thy royal throne. Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store. Take myself and I will be ever only all for thee. Ever only all for thee.

Amen. I brought along the book that I wrote. I thought you all might want to see this. My cat and I, this is it. This is all I got for a whole lifetime of writing.

Nothing like FRH. It's more than what I got. And my mother saved it. Oh. Where'd you send it?

David and Janet, there it is. OK, sorry. Me first? OK. So we got a question that is a little dear to my heart.

So I take this one. Janet knows nothing about it. One major part of my personality is I am introverted. Some of my friends have been urging me to overcome my introversion. Do you believe introversion is something that ought to be overcome in all aspects?

Some aspects, most aspects are not at all. So I super struggled with this until I was probably a junior or a senior in high school. I was so happy to be home with my books in my room with my horse and never have to talk to anybody. I was happy there. But I came to realize it was a prison And it was pretty much.

It's a selfish prison. It's a it's a vain prison just like vanity on the other side And so I purpose before God that I was going to somehow become a people person. I don't know what to call it, an extrovert? I couldn't hope for that. I'm not an extrovert.

But in order to be useful to the Lord, you know, the Lord doesn't have that many things to say about what women should do, but He does say that older women should teach the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be pure and chaste, holy and a keeper at home. So there was a role for me to play that I could not play because I didn't even want to. I got really good at no eye contact. Could make no eye contact then I don't have to talk to you because I don't know how to talk. So I was on the way of being super unuseful to the Lord and His church.

So I just asked the Lord, I need to know how to do this. So as a junior in high school, I was a junior or senior in high school, that year, our little tiny Cal Pi High in San Diego, California decided to have a drill team. That's like, I can't tell you how much further from wanting to do that, then there's just nothing. So, I thought, okay Lord, I'm going to try out for the drill team. Like the start, I wasn't going to make it, but it was at least just trying out was enough.

Well, we had a coach that had a heart that's the size of a Texas and she decided she could not turn down anyone who tried out. That meant that I got on the team. And then she made me, like who knows why, the captain. I had no leadership skills. None.

She made me the captain of the drill team. It was and that was what the Lord used to force me because it's hard it's hard to do something you don't want to do, or you don't know how to do, or you're super uncomfortable, you've never done. That was what the Lord used. Where did you go, Janet? She has to fill in all the spots I miss.

That's how I decided to become useful to the kingdom of God. You know what? I'm so glad I did because I wouldn't be here. I would be listening online. And I would be so happy asking the Lord to bless that But I'm so grateful I think I had conversations with a few girls last night It was a total blessing and it was a lot of fun.

I had so much fun talking with them. I'm really grateful that the Lord made me become not an introvert. So The answer to the question is, yeah, I think your friends are right. I think you do need to work on your introversion. I mean, just the word, introvert, that means I'm concentrating on myself.

Yuck. I don't find that anywhere in scripture. If the Lord puts you like He did, Francis Ridley Habergal, if he puts you on your bed, that's one thing. But this was because of me. I think, yeah, you need to work on it.

And if you want to talk about it with me later, just come up and say, oh, I'm the one that wrote the question, and we'll dialogue what that looks like. But that's what it looked like for me. I had to force myself out of it and I'd ask the Lord to help me do it. So he's not going to do the same for you, hopefully. But he'll use something that's just as scary.

And again, like Janet mentioned, you don't do any of this in your own power, right? It really, you've got to have the Lord. And so he'll do it. That's the super scary part is that he will answer your prayer. That sounded bad.

OK. Janet, you can choose next. I want to give a caveat. Is this coming through young people? Yes, thank you.

You know, we're speaking to a group of people that the youngest single in here might be, I don't know, six months old or something. Who knows? And then I got grandmam over here to 95. Favorite single? 94.

Well, close. Oh, you'll be 95 in July. Can we just move on? Are you 95? Are you 96 in July?

She looks so young. She does. So our answers are not going to apply to every situation, please be careful to take our answers as intended. If you're somebody has a really tender conscience, sometimes somebody with a tender conscience thinks every answer is for them, and they have to go change their entire life. And I'm so woe is me.

And that's good to have a tender conscience, but be careful the advice you take to heart that is what God has for you. And if you're a little tougher and you're like, I'm fine, I don't need any of this. You might need to soften up a little bit and take more of it, but just understand that our answers might not apply to you, and that's OK. It might not be your situation. This is a large group of people with very different lives.

So be careful not to be shamed into anything. Or if you're not sure, ask a mature friend, whether it's us or another mature friend. Is this me? Do I need to apply this to my life? Maybe not, so be careful.

Yeah, amen. Now you pick next question. That wasn't a question. Okay. That was just making mine make sense.

Okay, that comes right off of Francis. One of the questions was what are some of the unique ways that single people can serve their church? So I love FRH's life. She served the church her whole life. Unique ways.

It's all a blank slate when I have questions like this. Well, you talked about she was being nine, right? And teaching this Sunday school class. That's just crazy. Now, we're not saying that all the nine-year-olds should go out and teach Sunday school.

That's not what we're saying. But think about that. There's a nine-year-old whose heart is soft toward the Lord. She saw a need, and she lived in the 1800s. That's a whole different thing too.

Sunday school was something that's not today. Sunday school really was about school on Sunday for the children who worked and had no access. They were poor children that worked. So she taught them in school on Sunday because she saw the need. You know the same thing that you talked about that she visited cottages.

I love that. Okay. So we don't again see 1800s. It's a different world today. But you have neighbors that need you to visit their cottage with a cheesecake.

I have some friends that they have, this is my girlfriend, she has six kids, four older girls, and just two little boys. And they have these neighbors that are as pagan as they come. And they are being a total, they bring these kids to church on Sunday. They're being a blessing to this family that knows nothing about God. But the kids, but they're being a blessing to these kids.

And these girls are, I don't know, the oldest one is 21, 22, Right around there? I'm just thinking, do you really need a list of ways to serve? I don't know. There's like, my mind's going like, you could do this, you could do that, you could do this. There's so many opportunities.

You could take an old person to church. You could go visit an old person. You can go minister to a young mom that has a million kids. They always like that. You could, there's so much you can do.

And everybody's life is different. What's in front of you? Your opportunities are different than mine. I watched some of my single girls, I'm thinking about my daughters and the different things they do. None of them do the same stuff.

Some are good one-on-one and they'll hold up with somebody and listen to a needy soul. And others are good at relationships and they build all these neat friendships and minister to different girls that way. Some are good with old people. Some are good with young people. Some of them like kids.

Some of them not so much. That's okay. We all have to do the thing that God's put in front of us. And again, being willing to do that which you're not good at. People need rides places.

Take them with rides. Some of you work full-time jobs. You can't do all this stuff. That's okay What's God if you're in a workplace or if you're in some kind of work situation, then you have neighbors You're probably right beside that need the gospel. That's what your ministry probably is so I'm I'm just I'm kind of scared to make a list because everybody shouldn't be doing the same thing.

Many of you are helping moms in with the children that are still in your mother's home. Is that good for everybody? No, that's not good for everybody. It's not the right thing for everybody. But it is for some people and it's such a blessing.

So I just, I hate to make a list because I don't want to pigeonhole anybody into what God has for you, and it looks very different depending on what your situation in life is, and what God's brought before you. I would just encourage you, be faithful, do something, do something. Some of you are, what's the word, not introspective? What's that last question? Thank you introverted?

I know. So she knows that word. We play we play an old person game. What's that word? Anyway, Some of you are introverted and you tend more to do things that are inward.

I struggle to do things that are inward. I want to be out doing fun stuff and partying and being with people. Oh yeah, she'd come to our door at 10 o'clock at night, she and Jason, and they'd say, come on, let's go bowling. Their kids were in bed. Their kids were in bed.

Go away. Now we're home and in bed by 9. But if you are a more introspective person, a person that loves to do that, well, God made you that way. And there's ministry in that. There's ministry in knowing God better and then letting him use those times with the Lord to pour out to the people he does put in your life.

So hey God's made us all really special. Everybody in this room has a special talent, a special gift, and we all have time that we must give to the people around us. We must. Amen. All right, I'm going to take an easy peasy one.

What habits should we as women be developing in preparation for marriage? It's easy. Be like Christ. Yeah, be like Christ. She got it.

Now, you know what? Live a life of holiness. You just listened to five messages, right? Two, three, four. You just listened to four messages that should give you enough for the rest of your life.

Preparing for marriage doesn't mean learning how to cook and clean. Although, one of the best books I ever read was The Care and Feeding of Husbands. It's a great book. Laura Schlesinger, she's a Jew. She's great.

All right, but that's not, you don't have to knit. And so, you need to be holy. Know the scriptures. You're going to raise kids. The only way to have to know that your children can face the future is if they know the word of God and they love it and they believe it they trust their their very life with it.

You got to give that to your kids. You got to give that to your neighbor. You got to give that to everybody you know. So that's how you prepare for marriage. That's the, it's the beauty, it's so beautiful.

Preparing to be a holy woman of God, prepares you for everything. Everything you will face, whether it's marriage, a singleness, you're going to be a missionary, you're going to serve the church, you're going to be like Anna, and live 80 years in the temple and pray. I had a grandmother who, she actually lived in the later part of her life, she lived next door to Corrie Ten boom. You know what they did together? They prayed.

That was it. That's all they did. My grandmother was legally blind and deaf in one ear and she was a massive prayer warrior like when I just in heaven my grandmother calls, Lord, and Lord says, Jeanette's calling. They made me quiet. And he answered her prayer.

I used to tell people, she's dead and I'm so sorry. I had friends call me and I said, you know what, call my grandmother, tell her Deborah told you to call and she will pray for you and she will counsel you. She was amazing. She didn't have a driver's license. She was holy and she knew the Lord.

She was massively helpful in every sphere of her life. When her neighbor came over, she had a neighbor of 8 kids and her husband had just committed suicide. Where did she go? She went to my grandmother's door. Be a woman of the word, who knows the word, who knows God.

And not just reads the word, but knows the Lord. Like, you know, you can't know anybody. Like, I could read about Frances, you know, Ridley Habergal, and I could admire her, but I'd have never talked with her. Like I don't, I don't just, we don't have a heart to heart connection. But you have to have that with the Lord.

You can't just read about Him. You've got to know the Lord. That will prepare you for everything in life, including whether or not you're married or single. One other comment is think about the limitations that we all have. Your limitations can help shape you for marriage.

Everybody has limitations, whether you're single or married. Your singles are just different in many ways. But I have limitations because I'm married. There's things I can't do and won't do because I'm a married woman. It's good to learn to live with your limitations happily because that prepares you for living with the limitations of marriage.

So don't spurn the lessons that God might teach you through the things that are hard. Yeah, you know, you said something in your talk about how it's so easy to be focused on ourself, that singles can be focused, and we all can. You can be self-focused, particularly singles because you don't have anybody else to be focused on. If you remain there, you will stay there. No matter what sphere you go, if you go to a job, you will be self-focused and selfish.

If you go to, I don't know, if you're gonna get married, you'll be self-focused and selfish. When you have children, you will be self-focused and selfish. Those things are all death. As a single, be like Frances Havergal and be selfless. Learn not to be so focused on yourself.

And I know that's easy when you don't have anybody else to be focused on. I saw one of the questions that says something like, what do you wish you'd known when you were single when you were single? Math major. Math major. One of the things I wish I'd known when I was single was just the killing of self.

That Like that year I spent where I moved to Raleigh and I was, oh, that Jan Jan, oh, I'm gonna do what Janet wants finally, that was such a miserable year. I wish I'd known. Why didn't somebody tell me before that? Don't do that. They probably tried.

Sometimes you have to learn the hard way, right? But the best lesson you can learn as a single person is to kill the self, the self love, the always getting to do what you want to do when you want to do it, letting that be killed. That's not compatible with marriage at all. It's very dangerous. I've seen moms of many, many children that their life is still all about them.

Boy, that's a sad life. It's sad for them, it's sad for their children. You don't want to lead that kind of life at any stage in life, any age, and any single married or whatever. It's a sad life to live for oneself. It's not a happy way to live, it's not what God's called us to.

Yeah. All right so here's a question. What is the biblical role of a wife and what is the biblical role of a girlfriend? So the Bible is super clear about what the biblical role of a wife is. Super clear.

I'm not going to go there. However, the biblical role of a girlfriend does not exist in the scriptures. This doesn't exist. There is, there's a, There's the role of a betrothed woman, but that really falls into the category of a married woman. So a few tweaks.

So the biblical role of a girlfriend. Like, are you meaning like you're the girlfriend? I took this as meaning the girlfriend of a boy. Not like we're girlfriends. Okay.

So we're going to go with that definition. So there's no category in the Bible for a biblical role of a girlfriend. So be super, super careful. And I'm going to kind of expand this just a little bit to the biblical role of the engaged woman. That doesn't exist either.

An engagement in our culture, it means what the word says it means. It is an appointment that can be broken. That's what an engagement is. So you're in an engagement that can be broken. But you are still under your, you're still single.

I'm not going to say under your father's authority, but you're that that's very well may be true also But what you aren't is you are not his wife You if you're a girlfriend, you're not his wife okay, so the biblical roles do not apply to you and when if you're engaged this is how I've explained it to some, if you're engaged and your boyfriend dies, your fiance dies, you are not his widow. The law does not, neither law, either our Political law or you know law of land that the law of the scripture sees you as his widow So don't pretend to be his wife there's no category for it. Is that enough? Okay. Next question.

Well back to the girlfriend. Okay, thank you. So back to the girlfriend. So if you are not engaged then, because she kind of jumped right to the stage, to the engaged babe, if you're a girlfriend, I'm assuming that means you're hanging out with some guy seriously, because we don't hang out with guys just to hang out. So we're hanging out with a guy seriously wondering, is this a guy that might be a good mate for me or not?

That's why we're hanging out. So it's really hard, but he is your brother, and you need to see him as a brother. But you are considering him as a mate, so you're, you know, you are seeing him a little bit differently. But he might not be your mate. He might end up your girlfriend's mate, or your sister's mate, or who knows, he might be somebody else's mate.

So you have to be really careful how you see him while you're in this in-between thing where you're trying to figure out what are you to each other we don't know yet and there's no way to know that without spending some time together and seeing if God has a plan for your life together so you have to guard your heart to the best of your ability and it helps to know God's Word that says see him like a brother. So if you have a brother, picture your brother. That gives you a lot of help right there because you're not gonna, I mean that's just how you think of your brother. I mean I kind of grimace at the whole thought of that. But it does just help you see him as somebody God made that I need to be careful with.

And he should be seeing you as a sister. She's somebody God made that I need to be careful with. They might not be my mate. I don't want to do anything to harm this precious soul. And you want to protect your soul from being harmed also.

So I just say there's a carefulness involved until you're married. Right. Just understand that the biblical role of the wife does not apply to a girlfriend. OK. You do not submit to boyfriends.

No you don't. You don't share checking accounts. Okay, I remember the time. Janet may not even remember this. I used to sell, I used to make, design and make, sell clothes.

And we would have, we had a clothes party and we were at this, I don't know, some pagan party doing this clothes party. And Janet figured. Don't bring me into this. Oh yeah, you were with me. That was that party we drove forever for.

Well, this one girl said something about, oh yeah, you know, needing her boyfriend's, you know, a checkbook or something, you know, the checkbook, it makes her her boyfriend tell me. My boyfriend said, you and your boyfriend have a joint checking account? She says, no, I don't think so. You are not married, You have no protections. She went off.

It was great But I do because it was so right it was it was super clear You know what this you don't pretend to be married when you're not you're a girlfriend just what it says you're a friend who happens to be a biological female. In the words of our culture. We know what that is here. A girl, yeah. How about this one?

That one right there. If you are over age 40, what is the appropriate amount of time to date or court before getting engaged? Well, I'm just going to say, Janet will fill me in, I'm just going to say this is what I tell everybody. Take, I don't care how old you are, take all the time you need, all the time you need. Take it.

It's the only time you'll be in control is when is right now before you're married. It's in your mind. Control anymore. Just take your time. There's no just because you're 40 doesn't mean oh my gosh the biological clock is ticking oh no no no no you want a holy marriage to the glory of God.

Doesn't matter how old you are. Okay what did I leave out? You know what's worse than being single? Amen. Marrying somebody that you shouldn't have married.

Don't do it, ladies. I beg you. Because once you're married, it's God's will for your life. But it can be a very hard road. So I beg you to take all the time you need to understand who this man is in front of you.

Will he honor you and protect you all the days of your life, even when he doesn't feel like it? Can you submit to this man for the rest of your life when he's wrong? Because we're always right. Oh wait, that's not true. So can you submit?

These are hard questions and you have to get to the bottom of these things and it's worth all the time it takes whatever that is. Amen. How would I discern if I've set too high a standard for a potential spouse? How do I know if I'm being too picky? And you're always too picky.

I'm sure that's true because we're selfish. We tend to be selfish. Well we are trying to be careful. It affects the rest of your life. So you want to be pretty picky.

You want to be careful. You do want to be careful. And here's, so I've been looking at this question thinking, oh my goodness, so how am I going to answer this? Because I, we, I can see both sides, right? It's, you can be, I've seen too picky and I've seen not picky enough.

So here's my, here's my, my answer. Go ask somebody else. Ask somebody who knows you. Ask an older sister in the faith, a brother in the faith. Go talk to your pastor.

Go talk to your godly uncle, your dad. Go talk to somebody who's lived a lot longer than you and have seen a lot more than you have. They are worth their weight in gold. Older men and older women have seen a lot. And they can see the sign.

Like they can read the sign that you can't read because your Twitter paid it and you really want to be married that's by an old word I'm the work came from not from Twitter oh so that's that that's it's gonna be different for everybody I'm sure there are people that are too picky and then there are the people aren't picky enough. Listen do not do not okay this is don't try this at home right don't do not don't try to this alone you really you need This is why God gave you the church. He gives you aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters all in your local church. Get somebody else involved so that you know, if you're being too picky, or if you're not being picky enough. You can also get said people in your life, especially a dad or a pastor or some man that you trust to meet with this guy.

Jason's done that several times for different girls where and it's God has to where they've met with the guy to see, you know, you're trying to figure out if I can love him the rest of my life, or if these little things I see in him are really character flaws that are too much. So sometimes a man can talk to another man and they can kind of black and white get to the bottom that better than we can. And do understand the other thing I wish I'd known before marriage is that I'm not always right. So You know how you marry somebody you want to be just right Well, you're not just right just to be clear none of us are just right when we get married and never will be till we get to heaven so There is a line between being too picky and you're not seeing yourself. Well, you know, he's marrying a sinner also.

So are there character traits that you can live with? Are they, does he just chew with an open mouth and it drives you a little crazy? No experience there. So we all do things that drive each other crazy because we're sinful and we care about what other people do. We don't really care what we do.

So care more about what you're doing and who you're becoming, and then get somebody to help you, like Deborah said, especially let a godly man work that boy through the ringer. I would say, too, hopefully you're in a local church where you're doing this with people. If you're doing this out by yourself and nobody really knows you or him, those are just warning signs that I would heed. And it's just better to do it in a local church where people are watching how you act with him, how he acts with you. I've seen situations where we've watched a relationship or two and said something's not right here.

I couldn't even put my finger on exactly what it was, but I think you need to watch out for maybe this. Anyway, you should be living life with people who love you and that can help you with those things. Amen. If you need a local church, move to Youngsville, North Carolina. Woo!

Man, she was fast. Not like first. Right. I agree. If I could go to their church I would go too.

We almost left, you know, we planted this church 12 years ago and Scott and I said, can we go with the plant? Can we just, I mean we've been with Janet and Jason a long, long time and it was really, really hard to not go with that church plant. I still think about it every once in a while. Thanks Becca. What time are we supposed to end?

All right, well, I think we've managed most of them. There was, yeah, I was gonna go there next. Okay, this is one that I'm gonna, I like this. I just like the way you're going. Oh yeah, go ahead.

How does it look to dress modestly and feminine? Pink hair? Red hair? Big blanket around? How do I know I am dressing feminine?

We have my, I have my prop. It's because I'm always cold in here. Springs are blanky. OK, so how do we know we're dressing feminine? You know what?

This is another thing that comes, I think, A, with maturity or B, hanging with those who are mature. Because women, a lot of times we don't know what's modest or feminine. It's really helpful to see your body through a man's eyes. We don't think like them. It doesn't turn us on, so we don't think about it.

You have to see it through a man's eyes. And I don't mean to wear a blanket. That's not what I, That's not what I'm saying. Another one of us is up here in a blanket. Well, I might kind of be in a blanket.

Yeah. So it's helpful to kind of get, again, some older perspectives. Just ask. Just none of us ever want to ask because I don't ask because I don't want to hear the answer. Well, if you really are struggling with that and want to know what is feminine, what is modest, you know what?

Go and ask somebody who you think is. Go talk to an older woman in your church and say, hey, I really, I don't know, I didn't grow up with it. I mean, I had this happen in our church, not this church. When I was growing up, a girl came in with shorts about here. OK?

Almost all the way up, not quite. Well, those were modest shorts for her. She had been wearing a G-string. It goes up your butt flosser, isn't that what somebody called one time? Okay.

So for her, those were modest. She was just coming out of a completely different culture. So she went looking for somebody to help her to know what to do. You know what? It was helpful for her.

Doesn't mean that she's any more holy or less holy. She just was looking for help. So go get some help. If you don't know what it but that means, Go ask. Janet?

Is this one of the limitations we're willing to live with for the sake of others? In somebody else or with us? In ourselves? In ourselves. Are we willing to limit our dress for the sake of others?

I had a friend that said, but I look so much better in a v-neck. And she was built kinda, so she looked better in a v-neck. And so that was, she was trying to decide, is it better if I, cause I look better in a v-neck, or should I be modest? It was kind of one or the other because of the way she was built. It's not true for everybody.

But the way and she chose she looked better in a v-neck. Well I think you should choose what's kind to the brethren around you that really struggle when they see cleavage. So are you willing to live with that limitation for the sake of others around you? Yeah, it's a hard one. But if somebody walks into your church that doesn't know all this, please don't stare at them and make them feel bad, they don't know.

Right, exactly. Please be kind to the people who come in and love them just like they're wearing the blanket. Exactly. You know, your men may have to do something a little different for a while and they may struggle, but God, bring us people who don't know Jesus bring people to our churches that don't know how to dress that's the least of their worries honestly yeah Laura how much time do we have every done at noon they said I said it says praying at 1230 is anybody know anything else? Anyone?

Room of 200. Does anybody know the deal? Lunch is at 1230. All right. We're good.

Good for what? We need time for 200 people to go to the bathroom, so that's mainly what we're working around. Well, I think that about exhausts the list. Be content with your singleness. Be content with where God has you at the same time, striving to be more holy.

That will prepare you for every single thing you will ever face and you don't know what it is. That's a scary thing. You hear Paul last night said, how'd he say it? It was devastating when he said, you know, what's coming down the pike in our culture we have not seen since the dark ages? But you have a chance to shine like the first century Christians in a first century darkness.

You'll be ready for it by loving the Lord and knowing His Word. Like, you know, that's just, that's just going to memorize like like Francis Ridley Havergal. It gets a little more devastating that did you know that like in her diary it said December 24th memorized Hebrews December 26th memorized Ezekiel December and I'm thinking two days Hebrews in two days But we could die trying Learn the scripture so that it comes out of your pores when you're when you're tested because testing is coming. Paul was right. I'm gonna read this last quote.

This is the end of this babe's book about FRH. What is the legacy that Frances has left us? She was, above all, a woman of true spirituality, and the love of Jesus was the guiding principle throughout her life. Her constant and deep study of the Scriptures, together with her memorization of them, gave Frances a breadth of knowledge which she was able to bring to all her writings as well as use in her personal contacts and conversations. Linked with her love of the Bible, There was also a deep inner life of prayer and dependence on Jesus Christ for guidance in all things.

Thus, she has left us an example to spur us on to seek a deeper knowledge of God's word, a greater devotion in prayer, and a desire to tell others the good news of the gospel. So be it. We're dismissed. Thank you.